Heart peace

Conversation I had with my friend in email form:

Also, do I have a story for you. Oh how our lives are so similar. HA! goodness girl...don't know how my heart is...and funny that I just talked to you about being able to move on...I think I have but kind of like you...I have peace but don't feel peaceful. haha. oh how you rub off on me! awkwardness and all! neh..I think you and I just scream awkward all around.

How life is just...how God is just...how I'm just and how he is just...how him and I are just......well you know how that whole conversation plays out in your head when things happen and you just don't know exactly how to react....you just have the most intense puzzled look that falls on your face and you can't seem to shake it.



PS photo belongs to: Heart photo

Oreo cake balls

Alright, so I tried to make these delicious oreo cake balls this evening...I must say I had some rough moments. My dear friend M kindly shared her recipe with me and as I read over it, I thought, "surely, this must be THAT simple." I'm sure that it is for her. When she shows up at get togethers, she comes bearing lovely, perfectly smooth oreo cake balls. Yes, lovely, perfectly smooth is how I would describe those babies. Mine...err hmm...when I first started dipping the oreo balls into the melted coating, everything was working just fine...till the bark started to harden rather abruptly. Then my oreo balls looked liked they had been eaten and reproduced once again. I was struggling to make it work even though the coating was refusing to get on board with me. To sum up, it wasn't pretty.

I was frustrated to say the least. I had to step aside after some internal rage and ranting in order to collect myself. In my head, I had pictured these perfectly lovely smooth oreo cake balls before I even attempted to make them. I thought they are going to look like this. They are going to be great and M will be proud of me. I had great expectations.

After I collected myself, I went to melt another batch of coating. I calmly sat down and started over again and this new process was working and much more efficiently at that! Each oreo ball was looking better than the first! Unfortunately I ran out of the coating so I turned to some dark chocolate and decided to be creative and add peppermint to it. I am not sure the fate of those special ones but I had fun in making them up so we'll just see how it goes.

These past weeks I've thought a lot about embarking on this path of being a musician/artist. I've wondered why I haven't been able to crank new songs out of me, why some plans aren't falling through, why I'm still living where I am living...etc. I see others who are prominent artists now. I see people like Rebecca Black make it "big" on youtube. It seems that everyone can be popular in one second. Then I wonder why I am not there and why I can't get ahead. I have this expectation in my head to get recognized.

Is it really about getting signed? getting recognized? the fame?

Or more so, is it about the process of...the messing up, internal cursing, frustrations, having to take a step back and regain composure, thinking through any route and creatively picking up from there...

Then and finally then, as I was able to sit there and smile at my new desserts, I will be able to look back, smile and say what a ride!

However, you know this means one thing...I will probably have to recite this about 51000 times to myself each morning and each time I perform. Why 51000? It seemed more exaggerated than 50000...which is the point.

Love,
C

Gotta get in the zone.

Friends,
It's certainly been awhile hasn't it?! Don't worry I have not neglected you purposefully. Life just got in the way and separated me from you! It's funny though, I've had so many thoughts and ideas and am like "how in the world do I cram it all in one blog!". May was a busy busy month. I had my ups and downs.

Victories, as glorious as they are, can be the most fleeting when the downfalls come. Of course mom is there saying there are never any failures and I'm left thinking yeah sure. I was rejected at a singing competition and it was rough, I'm not going to lie. No one likes to be said no to and it's precisely at those moments, it is much easier to give it all up. However, something in me just won't let go...no matter how hard I tried.

On to a happier thought, my three voice students did superb at the UIL State solo and ensemble competition! So proud of them! 2 earned a silver and 1 a gold. I was so proud. I honestly believe I was more nervous than they were! It was the most wonderful thing, being able to walk through this entire process with them...getting in the dirt and grime of learning music and pushing them to go beyond their limits.

Those were the highs and lows that overtook my days and thoughts. The events just happened so fast and ran together, I didn't have too much time to think except just being in the zone. Sometimes I think that is the best thing for me...to not think...just be in the zone and go with it.

Now I'm back to the grime of everyday and of course it's Monday so I'm allowed to be alittle melodramatic, right? :) I think it's easy to come from the highs and victories and crash...you know? Where you find yourself questioning the quality of your happiness or progress based on your victories and downfalls. For the victories, ride those waves in, for the storms, push through to the eye of it, for the dull moments, just lay back on that surfboard and float along and maybe someone else is floating along too...have a chat with them to pass time by! Each of those moments have something incredible to offer even if it doesn't hit you right at first.

<3
C

PS Pic-Me and my voice students