Through the darkest of nights

Through the darkest of nights,

I see a faint-lit light.

Though the chains pull on me,

and cover my woolen sleeves,

I'm still in flight.

Helplessness with each step,

rummaging through the depths,

in this forest with demons and growing fear,

I only hope and pray I draw near.

Your mystery I can't attain,

I'm blackened, blue and painfully stained.

Misery draws me ever so close,

tinges my eyes with its allusive smoke,

In its company I am green,

I know not what my eyes have seen,

yet, sight is not always so promising, I fear.

Lift me away and out of here.

For I was not made for this place,

my head and heart are utterly displaced,

from this spinning cycle of profanity and drone,

of being absent, afraid, and alone.

My spirit before yours,

wanting to be closer

enough to melt,

enough to know,

enough to hope.

With each moment,

I'd give to bend and nearly break

to melt,

to know,

to hope something new may become.

<3

C

Strengthening

I am thinking about moving. It's an adjustment and change. It's newness and anxiousness. A wonderful older professor of mine expressed the the joys and perils of such a transition. Regardless, he said that such an experience will strengthen me emotionally, physically and musically.

I thought over this and anytime, one is strengthened, one is broken down. It's a process of breaking and rebuilding, a shift in perspective and calls for much patience in times when nothing comes through. These are all important aspects of "strengthening". However, in the end, one is stronger and better because of it. The old broken down and the new is rebuilt becoming even stronger and better lasting.

If all this for my voice, music and understanding to strengthen, then it's completely worth it all. Every bit of it.

Love,

C

Amazed

There are people are in my life whom I admire a great deal. From the outside glance, you see them as perfectly normal everyday people who smile and carry on just like anyone else. They never let up that they are feeling off or sick. Yet, they carry the weight of being sick. Many times they lack energy and wished they could just turn a switch off and the pain would leave.

They battle not only physical struggles but psychological ones as well and all the while never ever wanting to be a burden on anyone. They are never 100% ok and if the pain and sickness is at least halfway subsided then they consider that the best they've ever felt. Pain management.

I wish I could understand what they were going through though they would never wish others to have to experience what they are going through.

These people amaze me. They carry on and never want to be a burden to anyone. They try to be 'normal' like everyone else. I can't even begin to wrap my head about it. I'm just amazed. They are such beautiful people...beautiful, genuine, honest, transparent, abnormal, beautiful people. There's no other way to describe it. I love it.

xoxo,

C

PS picture from pinterest.com