Each moment is yours

Each moment is yours for the taking whether it's good or bad. It's yours to have fully and completely or half heartedly and not even. It's funny how easily we take happy moments with open arms and refrain when events are even remotely less than enjoyable (aka does not go our way).

Today I had a conversation with some musicians. We shared stories about our worse gigs which involved having terrible sound/soundguys, fainting on stage, guitar straps falling off resulting in dysfunctional guitar sounds and so forth. Things happen and as we are talk about these experiences, we laugh about it. It's interesting amidst all the chaos and disappointments from these experiences, there was plenty good that happened. In some instances, more fans reached out to my friend and it became a memorable night for him even if fainting wasn't on the set list. :) If you own everything that happens on stage, it will be good. Mistakes and all. Just own it. Too many people are afraid to do that. They try to appear like they have it altogether when such behavior contradicts our very nature.

Later I had a beautiful conversation with a close friend. She is working with a new horse and teaching it how to ride and learn tricks. Today when she was trying to get up on the horse, the saddle would not cooperate. The horse got startled and reared up sending my friend to the ground. They are both fine. However it was a traumatic experience for both. After the fall, she got on top of the horse to try again and they had the most beautiful ride ever.  Funny how things work out like that?

She then went to an eatery and ordered coffee. The waitress wrote my friend's name out in chocolate and drew a heart above it. My friend was absolutely touched. How beautifully she received that small act of kindness. My friend inspired me that no matter what, we are blessed with the power to find happiness in the littlest things. There are so many opportunities we miss every second to smile and be thankful for. So remember to own those too, my friends.

Sometimes kindness, joy, tragedy, frustrations and disappointments happen. They just do. Just remember to own it and move on. It makes for a rich journey in this life.

Peace,
C

Be sure to check out my song I wrote to benefit The Little Rose shelter for girls in Vietnam.

Eternal

Eternal

by Casie Luong

For the joy of, there is an understanding in me for you.

For the fullness of, there is a void that gropes with anguish and desire.

For the satisfaction of, the struggle is never enough but it’s the only sweetness I know.

For the more and for the less,

The work and the sweat,

I give,

I do,

All day and all night.

This is how I survive,

Filled and empty again.

God have mercy that my thirst may find sweetness.

New Sky

Early bright morning skies sift above my head.
Fog caps faintly rest atop Austin sky-rises.

Windows down, car in motion, I blush and breathe in the scent of 7 o'clock air.
There's something, a memory, a freshness that only comes at this time,
and I catch it like I will never catch it again.

In the midst of savor, the morning invites me to start all over again.
I ponder my reception while memories, concerns, plans and possibilities
begin to set in motion.

Sunlit rays catch my pondering like a lover's touch steering me upwards into a new start, a new sky.

My Brilliance

August 31, 2013

I would burn through a million suns for you,

Stare until time collapsed,

For I would be closer.

We would be and nothing more.

There's no need for we are filled to the brim. 

From top to bottom, roots exposed,

There is nothing to hide,

To give all and be all.  

Brilliant and living,

The truth entirely.

We burn brilliantly.

Turn the page and the story goes,

My love, my rose,

My brilliance and me.

Song Lyrics

"and if I fall, would you lend a hand,
if nothing else, would you please just stand,
all I need is your loving heart to grace my broken parts..."

"You remind me just how much I need,
you will always be exactly what I need."

"You know where to put your coat cause you've been here more than most,
baby, please stay, please."

"Lonely one, what are you fighting for, what are you dying for these days?
Lonely one, I see you crying more and now you're done for these days.
You look me in the eye and you can't hide anymore.
I see your lonely lines inside.
Hold your head up high, I see the light in side."

"If I'm honest with myself, these pictures of you I want to pour out of my head,
but instead they solidify in me with appetites I continually feed."

Yours truly,
C

Love Sonata

Love Sonata in Red

2/12/13

by Casie Luong

I. Andante

Is this really about us? You? Me?

How much am I worth?

How much do you see?

How much do I want?

How much do you need?

A stamp to my forehead,

We passed with flying colors of red,

superior markings of errors and praise.

Validation meets Satisfaction.

A matrimonial union is made.

II. Allegretto dolce

I have a name and you said it.

I have a heart and you bear it.

I have arms that make you fall deeper than the floor.

I have lines and sing-song melodies that float upward outlining birds in the sky.

Hi-hi, hey-hey

Hum-da-dum

Hi-hi, Ha-hey, ha-hey

You have a freckle and I pinch it.

You wince but I like it.

You have eyes that send me through the ceiling,

Sighing and singing, fluttering and feeling,

Hi-hi, hey-hey

Hum-da-hum

Hi-hi, Ha-hey, ha-hey

III. Lento assai solenne

Trenches darkened trenches masqueraded by flowered feelings.

A celebration or a time of mourning?

Either way, he’s left or she’s left yearning.

Luminous, ominous doubting.

Does he love me? Do I love him?

Carnivorous questions eating through my skin,

pushing through to make a home in my chambers,

the deepest parts of me

and

I. cave. in.

I fear in loss.

Holes and emptiness hang like moss,

An abandoned ravine that once had youth and possibilities.

Love, where are your markings of errors and praise?

I’ve lost my name, my sing-song phrase, phrase, phrase.

IV. Allegro con bravura

When a storm has passed,

morning birds, remind us to wake again.

To us, you, me, quiet, talkative, bashful he and she,

forgetting the wants and forgetting the needs,

abandoning taking and learning to give.

The winds die down and up we fly on a sing-song high,

rapidly boasting our colors melding in the sky:

pinks, reds, blues, yellow, greens, oranges and white,

The deepest night of darkness is behind.

Yes--the Deepest Night of Darkness is Behind.

Let us stamp the ground!

Stamp hard into the ground:

Mistakes, Misery, Misfortune and brothers of the same sound.

Let us seize the light of day!

Make new what was made!

Morning birds, remind us to wake again!

Yes, remind us to wake again!

The Blues

I'm a pebbled lyric textured in smoke,
if only I drank grace more often, I'd be smoother,
I'd have a shine that gave the moon its proper reflection.

I float from the lips of someone troubled and perplexed by the plate they were served.
What else did they expect? Something better than the blues?

I'm many different shades of melancholy,
no one knows what kind yet everyone understands.
Nighttime is my best time.
It's when it is ok to be naked.

When I'm left hanging in the air,
someone grabs ahold of me and invites into their memories.
I come and sit with them there, be with them there.

I sound lonesome but I have many friends,
they inhale pieces of pebbled feelings that I have to offer.
It rounds them out.
Someone's always singing the blues.

Realize

The stroke, the strike, the depth and ribbons of textured conversation.
Freshness, I want to be married. Together, we dive head first and swirl in a never ending waltz.

I want us to say something, have a meaningful message, one that implodes with conviction and explodes with redemption and discovery.

Yes, we go that deep,
We only go that deep here.
It starts in the deep and swells as a song
where you can only close your eyes to truly realize. 

Gate

"When I am in the consciousness of God,
those whom I love have a mystic value.
They shine, as if a light were glowing in them.
Even those who frown on me and love me not seem part
of a great scheme of good.
(Or else they seem like stray bumble bees buzzing at a window, headed the wrong way, yet seeking light).

So it is when my soul steps through the postern gate into the presence of God.
Big things become small and small things become great.
The near becomes far and the future is near.
The lowly and despised is shot through with glory,
and most of human power and greatness seem as full of infernal iniquities
as a carcass is full of maggots.

God is the substance of all revolutions;
When I am in him; I am in the Kingdom of God and the Fatherland of my Soul.
Is it strange that I love God?

-Walter Raushenbush, The Little Gate to God

Nothing at all

It's like staring at a gift right in front of my eyes and not being able to feel joy. I don't like what I see, I don't like what is happening.

What is happening?

I abhor this part of me and that's the scariest thing I've ever admitted.
How do I get rid of this terrible monster that placed its tentacles in every inch, in every part of my being?

Remove it fast!

Will there be anything left? Any good? Change? Newness? An entirely different world? I'm frightened but I'd rather feel frightened than nothing at all.

Finally feels like home

Coming home to a new home.

I always carry stuff. Lots of stuff. Bags, purses, water bottles, books, journals, first aid kit. You name it. The other day I was driving with one of my friends and as we got out of the car. I started to gather all my things.

"I carry way too much don't I?" I asked.
"Yes you do." she replied.
"I think this might be metaphorical." I continued.
"You think? Well, I'm helping you lighten your load."

I was amazed, touched and blessed. God provides. We aren't supposed to go through this life alone.

Peace,
Casie

Frazzled

After a very frazzled week, I am now set to record some music with a friend. We are collaborating on a short film. I must admit, I felt very anxious for the project. I like to have my ducks in row and with this project and many that I've been part of lately, I am met with many unexpected variables.

It's been exciting and I'm learning that creative drive thrives on unexpected moments. It's time when those parts of your brain and heart have a chance to play. I've forgotten that. I've underestimated that. I've doubted that and it's time I stop that. As I type this, I almost sound like a crazy person as if there are multiple beings in my head! ha! Crazy or not, it's creativity for me and I feel better because of it.

Peace,
C

Break ups

And everyone they have a heart,
and when they break and fall apart
and need somebody's helping hand.

I used to say just let 'em fall,
It wouldn't bother me at all
I couldn't help them, now I can. 

-Avett Brothers, 'Shame'

To be little again.

The trees are taller than me,
the buildings almost touch the sky
my love builds off the flowers I pick and give to others.

The sky is larger than my eyes can see,
I wish I could follow it to its end,
my hands can scoop up so much sand,
until it falls out on the ground again.

I see a little bird but I don't see it's mommy,
I try to feed it but my mom told me to leave it.
We don't have enough time,
and I can't tell time yet anyways.

My little head carries a great big world,
with great brave people with great big hearts.
Fear cannot be found anywhere,
there aren't any dark corners to store it.

Chapter books still intimidate me,
not because they are full of many words,
but because full of many characters with unpredictable endings.
Adults say it's complicated.

When thunder storms come rolling in,
I feel the sky might fall down.
So I pack my bags and plan where we might move on next,
because we live forever don't we?

Closing chapter

On Wednesday nights, I play at a church full of bright spirited elderly folk. They cheer me up on any given day. Tonight was my last night to play for their service and it was most touching.

I performed a song I sang for them the first time we met. All I could do was give them my deepest gratitude during my performance. It's really what any musician is supposed to do. Music is about giving and sharing part of who we are. When it's sincere, it's truly special and moving.

I was most touched by their graciousness and genuine spirits. It was a place for me to feel refreshed by the lives these people are living.

Closing a chapter here and ready to open up a new one. Life is bittersweet isn't it?

Peace,
Casie

Stay

She keeps singing the same songs,
Her heart's been caged up for so long.
He keeps coming around,
and she loves the way he laughs and looks at the clouds.

Why are you scared?
You made your bed right there.
So stay, won't you stay as long as you can?

Smoke is rising up ahead,
but they keep walking hand in hand.


Why are you scared?
You made your bed right there.
So stay, won't you stay as long as you can?

As long as you can,
as long as you can,
as long as you can,
so stay, won't you stay as long as you can.

<3
C

Pass it on

I was visiting a lovely family.

We were sitting at their dinner table together.

At the dinner table were 4 different generations of culture. 

3rd generation Japanese

4th generation Japanese

5th generation Japenese 

then there was me, 2nd generation Vietnamese. 

It was the most interesting and eye opening experience for me. I was always worried that for some reason my children would be a watered down version of myself in terms of cultural ties. One of the main questions I asked myself in college was how will I raise my kid as a Vietnamese American? How do I maintain the culture? What if I don't do it well? What exactly do I have to teach/show them for them to be truly Vietnamese? I don't want them to be just American kids! I was truly vexed by these questions!

As we were at the dinner table together with this family of many generations passed down, I started to realize there was a type of culture that has been maintained and developed over the course of generations. Granted it does look a bit different from the first generation culture but it's still very unique and lovely in itself. My professor once told me, "Love everything for what it is and what it isn't". Everything has something lovely in it...2nd, 3rd, 4th generation cultures. They bear unique marks. For example, for me and my future children, we will bear unique marks of our culture. The best I can do is take what I value from my upbringing/cultures and pass it on. 

<3

C

Courage Part 2

I'm continuing my courage blog from yesterday. I have been writing some more songs lately for therapeutic reasons more than anything. One thing I realized as I was strumming my dear uke and deciphering various scribbles on my moleskin was how freeing these songs were to me and any songs I listen to for that matter.

Though I believe I have a long ways to go in songwriting, one thing I believe good songs to be are acts of great courage...if written/performed for the right reasons, frees yourself or someone else. It's as if the songs are like a friend who lend you a hand as you walk through whatever emotion/state of existence you are in. I think as songwriters, we get the opportunity to explore places that most people don't want to go to or don't think about going to...and I know this sounds fluffy but places of fear, worry, losing faith, love, loss, death, anger, sadness. These vital places that give life.

We explore them, write about them, perform them and invites others to join us. I believe this to be a great act of courage.

Night,
C

Cigarettes

Cigarettes by Noah Gundersen

You remind me of cigarettes,
The way I hold you in my chest,
The way you kiss me with your filter breath,
And I keep thinking I'm getting over this.

Chorus:
Once you had me, you don't have me anymore,
I don't crave you in the morning, or at the company store,
I don't use you to escape, in my fingers out the door,
Once you had me, you don't have me anymore.

But honey you're smooooooooooth (x4)

You don't make me coooool,
And I can carry on fine without you,
You're a spirit and you can't be beat,
When I'm jonesin(?),  honey I buy cheap.

Yeah but the truth is, that you do,
not the way you used to suck in the poison from the wound
but I buy 'em, and I smoke 'em 
in the nighttime, sure enjoy 'em

Because honey you're smoooooooth.

Thanks Paul. 

<3
C

Courage

There was a quote that I read that went something like courage is facing defeat without losing heart. I thought that to be a beautiful thing. Recently I attended a singing competition with my students. I played piano while they performed a classical song in front of a music professor.

As my students sang their songs, I started to realize just how courageous they are for doing that. They are such brave souls for getting up in front of a stranger and putting themselves out there. It's a very vulnerable spot to stand, put your emotions and heart out there and possibly get absolutely rejected.

They reminded me how important it is to be brave and courageous.

When your world is turned upside down,
not slightly nor subtlety but drastically,
you try to reach inside your head for
context, a word, a thought
that could bring you back to something familiar.

Nothing comes to you,
instead you draw a blank,
then your eyes start to tear up
and that's about as much as you can muster.

Everything is colored in a new light
and you know there is no going back.
You know truly that what was, was then
and this is now, a world turned upside down.

It pains you, strains you and pulls you
into something new.
A strange, scary new context, word, thought
that becomes familiar over time.

Over time and only over time will things get better,
which only means the world must turn again
in some form or fashion,
for a stagnant soul is one that has stopped living.

Peace,
C