Da capo

Consider this,
A drop from the sky.
Why we ponder why,
The make up of rain,
Why it must fall and drench our skin?
Why it doesn’t soak up in our skin yet the Earth
Boasts itself green in its drunken stupor.

And consider this,
A battle for peace,
A medal is a treat,
We salivate for.
No actions are done wholeheartedly without a goal,
or are they?

Consider this,
Promises made,
Warnings and people forbade
Us from testing the waters
And why is it we are to keep ourselves at bay?
Why are we convinced to stay
Right where we are.

Yet, one can’t help but consider.
Consider this reader, once more,
And kindly return to the top.

<3
C

Blake Caldwell Photo

Sing

Everyone Sang by Siegfried Sasson (English poet, author and soldier in WW1)

"Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
And I was filled with such delight.
As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
winging wildly across the white.
Orchards and dark-green fields; on; on; and out of sight.

Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted,
and beauty came like the setting sun.
My heart was shaken with tears; and horror drifted away...
O but every one was a bird; and the song was wordless;
the singing will never be done."

<3
C

Right

Hey friends,
my my my it's been awhile! How awful is that? I'm not going to lie. I feel as if I have kept distant from a dear friend of mine...that dear friend that takes the form of letters, words, phrases, emotion and feelings and slaps them onto a page, a journal, a napkin, a blog site. I further believe this friend has even been missing some melodies of mine too.

Apology: I don't usually make direct blogs to anyone but this is an exception.

Friend,

I'm sorry that I have let time and external situations get in the way of our relationship...of our honesty with one another. We have a grand partnership that consists of genuine expression where my thoughts find solace on a page even though questions are unanswered and seem to be going no where. You always are a place for me get it out and breathe.

Breathing is good...very good indeed. You know what? I think I've been walling myself up...you know...trying to cut right on the dotted lines along some picture that I think I am supposed to cut out. Who wants to cut out pictures already pre-drawn? How absolutely boring? My deepest apologies for I've been trying to make sure I do everything right...thinking the right thing, buying the right thing, singing the right things, eating the right things, praying the right things, loving the right things, hating the right things, writing the right things, phrasing the right things, righting the right things...right right right. I've been so preoccupied with that, that I've lost sight.

You are the dearest thing to my days and sanity. An angel with wings of ribbon, sequins and maybe some bells (wait does that weigh you down? oh you're an angel, you can pull off anything!) all colorful against your whiteness...that seems to carry me away when my arms are fatigued from travels.

I know there is no way to make it up to you but I'm going to pay more attention to you. I'm going to look less at myself and the dark black lines that I'm trying to cut some picture perfectly out of because in the end, it's not about that at all.

Yours truly,
C

Bodies full of music

I accompanied some students today for a music competition. It was the most nerve-wrecking, scary, wonderful, exhilarating thing ever. It's so funny because I remembering being the student competing at these events...and now I get to be on the other side as a "music teacher". (although I hardly felt adequate!).

I think I was more nervous than they were. My students stepped up and I think I let the nerves get the best of me at some points. I kind of beat myself up about things I could have taught them. I was burying myself in blame for some of their mistakes and misses. However, one of my dearest friends advised me that this is a time in our lives when we aren't meant to get anything perfect. How else do we possibly become like the amazing teachers in our lives who have experienced trials and falls in order to gain the expertise they hold? That put Miss Casie in her place.

Later I found out that my students received excellent scores. I was so proud!!! :) I was even jumping up and down one point with one of them. Yeah...little asian girl (who's supposed to be the mature teacher) jumping up and down with her student....that's me.

(*cue cheesy music*) I had the wonderful opportunity to share with these students part of the music world that they didn't know prior to us working together. I got to be a marker and that's such a wonderful and terrifying place to be at in someone's life. I was proud of their accomplishments and what I could contribute! I think they all learned something about themselves and that is really what matters at the end of the day. I learned a little something myself today too.

Night,
C

Garden man

Caring takes so many different forms than one would like to think.
I think we as humans were made to care for something...someone. For some, it's a career, a hobby, a child, a spouse, dream...etc.

I like to make up stories about people. Keeps life interesting. So...I usually run by this man's house (I know I sound like a creeper...) and I always notice his garden. It's so well kept and always decorated with some new plants. I know I have written about him before in my blog and I am not sure why I keep coming around to it.

Since the winter storm is over, he has started watering his grass again. It's amazing...everyone else's grass is dead and yellow while his is greener than ever. He takes such special care of his yard. It's one of the things I look forward to on my runs...there's only so much between pavement, roads and potential sticks in my way. ( I have seen a trail of breadcrumbs before and I had hoped they'd lead me to something great but sadly enough they stopped and I was fairly disappointed.)

I'd like to think he is this bachelor who prides himself in caring for this garden of his. I don't know if anyone even knows he loves his garden so much or if anyone tells him what a fantastic job he is doing. Every time I go on my runs, I get to be a witness of his life and the garden that he pours his time into. Refreshing, yes, refreshing is the exact word to describe this.

It's pretty neat to see someone tend to something and further see it blossom under their care. I wish we could try to understand that concept more..."taking care" of things. What does that mean these days? Half-heartedly doing things? Doing it because we feel obligated to? Possibly because it's the "right" way of doing things? There's just so much more to it.

I guess the results indicate how we care for those things or people...etc. The results are directly tied to our intentions. The garden man (aw this is what I will call him) certainly pours his heart in to his garden and you can tell. I'd like to think he lives a very simple life...but it says alot.

A simple caring gardener.

<3
C

Today

"Love is a feeling to be learned.
It is tension and fulfillment.
It is deep longing and hostility.
It is gladness and it is pain.
There is not one without the other."
-W. Trobisch


Happy Valentines friends <3
C

PS I don't know Robert or Catherine...but I liked it and they seem like they would be cool folks to hang with it.

love on the line

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in thinking that fame, lots of recognition for hard work, getting many people to come to an event, having the highest view count on your music page, etc means you are successful and doing well in life. As a musician, it's get easy to get discourage by low ratings and going through the struggle to find "your big break"...I've been having some conversations with people...particular people I call "the rabbi's" in my life. They listen, sift through the mess with me, love me and guide me.

My friend recently updated her blog. It's been a while you see and I have pestered her day in and day out about getting something on there. She's got stories, many full of awkward moments, joys and trials. She finally posted not one but TWO and how beautifully composed they were. From 12:10 AM to 12:15 AM, I cried, laugh and smiled reading her stories and reflections. Thank you friend. No one has ever given me the title of the leading character in a story. Your words were more humbling than ever and healing to my bones.

Sometimes it's hard to realize that the unexpected places hold more life than could ever unfold, lots of recognition is nice but not as nice as the impact you've made in the end, getting a lot of people to come to an event is great but if one life is influenced then numbers don't really matter, and maybe not that many people listened to your music page but one person did and it made all the difference in their life at that point..etc. This is what makes life real.

You never truly realize the impact you make on another person.

To my dearest friends, you know who you are, thank you for sharing your words, encouragement, concerns, call outs, ears and hearts. Thank you for stepping out when you don't have to, when it's inconvenient, when you're going through messy situations yourself but reach out instead. Don't you ever believe for one instant that any of your words or services of love return null and void. It's made all the difference somehow. :)

If one person gets it: a song that reflected exactly what was on their hearts, an action that reached out, a blog that lifted their heart, an email that expressed concern and care, a sacrifice made out of one's own personal interest...if one person gets it, that's all that is needed. That is love on the line.

"Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law."
(NAS) Romans 13:8

Love,
C