Gate

"When I am in the consciousness of God,
those whom I love have a mystic value.
They shine, as if a light were glowing in them.
Even those who frown on me and love me not seem part
of a great scheme of good.
(Or else they seem like stray bumble bees buzzing at a window, headed the wrong way, yet seeking light).

So it is when my soul steps through the postern gate into the presence of God.
Big things become small and small things become great.
The near becomes far and the future is near.
The lowly and despised is shot through with glory,
and most of human power and greatness seem as full of infernal iniquities
as a carcass is full of maggots.

God is the substance of all revolutions;
When I am in him; I am in the Kingdom of God and the Fatherland of my Soul.
Is it strange that I love God?

-Walter Raushenbush, The Little Gate to God

Nothing at all

It's like staring at a gift right in front of my eyes and not being able to feel joy. I don't like what I see, I don't like what is happening.

What is happening?

I abhor this part of me and that's the scariest thing I've ever admitted.
How do I get rid of this terrible monster that placed its tentacles in every inch, in every part of my being?

Remove it fast!

Will there be anything left? Any good? Change? Newness? An entirely different world? I'm frightened but I'd rather feel frightened than nothing at all.

Finally feels like home

Coming home to a new home.

I always carry stuff. Lots of stuff. Bags, purses, water bottles, books, journals, first aid kit. You name it. The other day I was driving with one of my friends and as we got out of the car. I started to gather all my things.

"I carry way too much don't I?" I asked.
"Yes you do." she replied.
"I think this might be metaphorical." I continued.
"You think? Well, I'm helping you lighten your load."

I was amazed, touched and blessed. God provides. We aren't supposed to go through this life alone.

Peace,
Casie

Frazzled

After a very frazzled week, I am now set to record some music with a friend. We are collaborating on a short film. I must admit, I felt very anxious for the project. I like to have my ducks in row and with this project and many that I've been part of lately, I am met with many unexpected variables.

It's been exciting and I'm learning that creative drive thrives on unexpected moments. It's time when those parts of your brain and heart have a chance to play. I've forgotten that. I've underestimated that. I've doubted that and it's time I stop that. As I type this, I almost sound like a crazy person as if there are multiple beings in my head! ha! Crazy or not, it's creativity for me and I feel better because of it.

Peace,
C

Break ups

And everyone they have a heart,
and when they break and fall apart
and need somebody's helping hand.

I used to say just let 'em fall,
It wouldn't bother me at all
I couldn't help them, now I can. 

-Avett Brothers, 'Shame'

To be little again.

The trees are taller than me,
the buildings almost touch the sky
my love builds off the flowers I pick and give to others.

The sky is larger than my eyes can see,
I wish I could follow it to its end,
my hands can scoop up so much sand,
until it falls out on the ground again.

I see a little bird but I don't see it's mommy,
I try to feed it but my mom told me to leave it.
We don't have enough time,
and I can't tell time yet anyways.

My little head carries a great big world,
with great brave people with great big hearts.
Fear cannot be found anywhere,
there aren't any dark corners to store it.

Chapter books still intimidate me,
not because they are full of many words,
but because full of many characters with unpredictable endings.
Adults say it's complicated.

When thunder storms come rolling in,
I feel the sky might fall down.
So I pack my bags and plan where we might move on next,
because we live forever don't we?

Closing chapter

On Wednesday nights, I play at a church full of bright spirited elderly folk. They cheer me up on any given day. Tonight was my last night to play for their service and it was most touching.

I performed a song I sang for them the first time we met. All I could do was give them my deepest gratitude during my performance. It's really what any musician is supposed to do. Music is about giving and sharing part of who we are. When it's sincere, it's truly special and moving.

I was most touched by their graciousness and genuine spirits. It was a place for me to feel refreshed by the lives these people are living.

Closing a chapter here and ready to open up a new one. Life is bittersweet isn't it?

Peace,
Casie