Stay

She keeps singing the same songs,
Her heart's been caged up for so long.
He keeps coming around,
and she loves the way he laughs and looks at the clouds.

Why are you scared?
You made your bed right there.
So stay, won't you stay as long as you can?

Smoke is rising up ahead,
but they keep walking hand in hand.


Why are you scared?
You made your bed right there.
So stay, won't you stay as long as you can?

As long as you can,
as long as you can,
as long as you can,
so stay, won't you stay as long as you can.

<3
C

Pass it on

I was visiting a lovely family.

We were sitting at their dinner table together.

At the dinner table were 4 different generations of culture. 

3rd generation Japanese

4th generation Japanese

5th generation Japenese 

then there was me, 2nd generation Vietnamese. 

It was the most interesting and eye opening experience for me. I was always worried that for some reason my children would be a watered down version of myself in terms of cultural ties. One of the main questions I asked myself in college was how will I raise my kid as a Vietnamese American? How do I maintain the culture? What if I don't do it well? What exactly do I have to teach/show them for them to be truly Vietnamese? I don't want them to be just American kids! I was truly vexed by these questions!

As we were at the dinner table together with this family of many generations passed down, I started to realize there was a type of culture that has been maintained and developed over the course of generations. Granted it does look a bit different from the first generation culture but it's still very unique and lovely in itself. My professor once told me, "Love everything for what it is and what it isn't". Everything has something lovely in it...2nd, 3rd, 4th generation cultures. They bear unique marks. For example, for me and my future children, we will bear unique marks of our culture. The best I can do is take what I value from my upbringing/cultures and pass it on. 

<3

C

Courage Part 2

I'm continuing my courage blog from yesterday. I have been writing some more songs lately for therapeutic reasons more than anything. One thing I realized as I was strumming my dear uke and deciphering various scribbles on my moleskin was how freeing these songs were to me and any songs I listen to for that matter.

Though I believe I have a long ways to go in songwriting, one thing I believe good songs to be are acts of great courage...if written/performed for the right reasons, frees yourself or someone else. It's as if the songs are like a friend who lend you a hand as you walk through whatever emotion/state of existence you are in. I think as songwriters, we get the opportunity to explore places that most people don't want to go to or don't think about going to...and I know this sounds fluffy but places of fear, worry, losing faith, love, loss, death, anger, sadness. These vital places that give life.

We explore them, write about them, perform them and invites others to join us. I believe this to be a great act of courage.

Night,
C

Cigarettes

Cigarettes by Noah Gundersen

You remind me of cigarettes,
The way I hold you in my chest,
The way you kiss me with your filter breath,
And I keep thinking I'm getting over this.

Chorus:
Once you had me, you don't have me anymore,
I don't crave you in the morning, or at the company store,
I don't use you to escape, in my fingers out the door,
Once you had me, you don't have me anymore.

But honey you're smooooooooooth (x4)

You don't make me coooool,
And I can carry on fine without you,
You're a spirit and you can't be beat,
When I'm jonesin(?),  honey I buy cheap.

Yeah but the truth is, that you do,
not the way you used to suck in the poison from the wound
but I buy 'em, and I smoke 'em 
in the nighttime, sure enjoy 'em

Because honey you're smoooooooth.

Thanks Paul. 

<3
C

Courage

There was a quote that I read that went something like courage is facing defeat without losing heart. I thought that to be a beautiful thing. Recently I attended a singing competition with my students. I played piano while they performed a classical song in front of a music professor.

As my students sang their songs, I started to realize just how courageous they are for doing that. They are such brave souls for getting up in front of a stranger and putting themselves out there. It's a very vulnerable spot to stand, put your emotions and heart out there and possibly get absolutely rejected.

They reminded me how important it is to be brave and courageous.

When your world is turned upside down,
not slightly nor subtlety but drastically,
you try to reach inside your head for
context, a word, a thought
that could bring you back to something familiar.

Nothing comes to you,
instead you draw a blank,
then your eyes start to tear up
and that's about as much as you can muster.

Everything is colored in a new light
and you know there is no going back.
You know truly that what was, was then
and this is now, a world turned upside down.

It pains you, strains you and pulls you
into something new.
A strange, scary new context, word, thought
that becomes familiar over time.

Over time and only over time will things get better,
which only means the world must turn again
in some form or fashion,
for a stagnant soul is one that has stopped living.

Peace,
C

Song lyrics

There's just a time when we must all let go the breath that we hold.
There's just a time when we must all let go the breath that we hold.
You know, the unknown we have to let go.

It's just now that I've found a place where I can breathe.
It's just now that I've found a place where I can sleep.

"Xanax" by Maria Taylor

Eventually

Life is funny.
It laughs at you and cries with you.

I know that eventually I'll be able to sleep again.
My eyes will close and it will feel normal.

I know that eventually I'll be hungry again.
My stomach will growl and I'll be satisfied in the moment.

I know that eventually I'll sigh a sigh of relief and not hopelessness.
My lungs will take in air evenly and steadily.

I know that eventually I won't feel as if I am moving 5 mph.
My feet will take off running towards newer paths to be discovered.

Eventually the heart gives way to new things.
New things that will feel normal, satisfy, flow evenly and steadily and open ways for enlightenment.

I know that eventually these things will happen and
when they do, I only hope to look and see something new.