Bodies full of music

I accompanied some students today for a music competition. It was the most nerve-wrecking, scary, wonderful, exhilarating thing ever. It's so funny because I remembering being the student competing at these events...and now I get to be on the other side as a "music teacher". (although I hardly felt adequate!).

I think I was more nervous than they were. My students stepped up and I think I let the nerves get the best of me at some points. I kind of beat myself up about things I could have taught them. I was burying myself in blame for some of their mistakes and misses. However, one of my dearest friends advised me that this is a time in our lives when we aren't meant to get anything perfect. How else do we possibly become like the amazing teachers in our lives who have experienced trials and falls in order to gain the expertise they hold? That put Miss Casie in her place.

Later I found out that my students received excellent scores. I was so proud!!! :) I was even jumping up and down one point with one of them. Yeah...little asian girl (who's supposed to be the mature teacher) jumping up and down with her student....that's me.

(*cue cheesy music*) I had the wonderful opportunity to share with these students part of the music world that they didn't know prior to us working together. I got to be a marker and that's such a wonderful and terrifying place to be at in someone's life. I was proud of their accomplishments and what I could contribute! I think they all learned something about themselves and that is really what matters at the end of the day. I learned a little something myself today too.

Night,
C

Garden man

Caring takes so many different forms than one would like to think.
I think we as humans were made to care for something...someone. For some, it's a career, a hobby, a child, a spouse, dream...etc.

I like to make up stories about people. Keeps life interesting. So...I usually run by this man's house (I know I sound like a creeper...) and I always notice his garden. It's so well kept and always decorated with some new plants. I know I have written about him before in my blog and I am not sure why I keep coming around to it.

Since the winter storm is over, he has started watering his grass again. It's amazing...everyone else's grass is dead and yellow while his is greener than ever. He takes such special care of his yard. It's one of the things I look forward to on my runs...there's only so much between pavement, roads and potential sticks in my way. ( I have seen a trail of breadcrumbs before and I had hoped they'd lead me to something great but sadly enough they stopped and I was fairly disappointed.)

I'd like to think he is this bachelor who prides himself in caring for this garden of his. I don't know if anyone even knows he loves his garden so much or if anyone tells him what a fantastic job he is doing. Every time I go on my runs, I get to be a witness of his life and the garden that he pours his time into. Refreshing, yes, refreshing is the exact word to describe this.

It's pretty neat to see someone tend to something and further see it blossom under their care. I wish we could try to understand that concept more..."taking care" of things. What does that mean these days? Half-heartedly doing things? Doing it because we feel obligated to? Possibly because it's the "right" way of doing things? There's just so much more to it.

I guess the results indicate how we care for those things or people...etc. The results are directly tied to our intentions. The garden man (aw this is what I will call him) certainly pours his heart in to his garden and you can tell. I'd like to think he lives a very simple life...but it says alot.

A simple caring gardener.

<3
C

Today

"Love is a feeling to be learned.
It is tension and fulfillment.
It is deep longing and hostility.
It is gladness and it is pain.
There is not one without the other."
-W. Trobisch


Happy Valentines friends <3
C

PS I don't know Robert or Catherine...but I liked it and they seem like they would be cool folks to hang with it.

love on the line

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in thinking that fame, lots of recognition for hard work, getting many people to come to an event, having the highest view count on your music page, etc means you are successful and doing well in life. As a musician, it's get easy to get discourage by low ratings and going through the struggle to find "your big break"...I've been having some conversations with people...particular people I call "the rabbi's" in my life. They listen, sift through the mess with me, love me and guide me.

My friend recently updated her blog. It's been a while you see and I have pestered her day in and day out about getting something on there. She's got stories, many full of awkward moments, joys and trials. She finally posted not one but TWO and how beautifully composed they were. From 12:10 AM to 12:15 AM, I cried, laugh and smiled reading her stories and reflections. Thank you friend. No one has ever given me the title of the leading character in a story. Your words were more humbling than ever and healing to my bones.

Sometimes it's hard to realize that the unexpected places hold more life than could ever unfold, lots of recognition is nice but not as nice as the impact you've made in the end, getting a lot of people to come to an event is great but if one life is influenced then numbers don't really matter, and maybe not that many people listened to your music page but one person did and it made all the difference in their life at that point..etc. This is what makes life real.

You never truly realize the impact you make on another person.

To my dearest friends, you know who you are, thank you for sharing your words, encouragement, concerns, call outs, ears and hearts. Thank you for stepping out when you don't have to, when it's inconvenient, when you're going through messy situations yourself but reach out instead. Don't you ever believe for one instant that any of your words or services of love return null and void. It's made all the difference somehow. :)

If one person gets it: a song that reflected exactly what was on their hearts, an action that reached out, a blog that lifted their heart, an email that expressed concern and care, a sacrifice made out of one's own personal interest...if one person gets it, that's all that is needed. That is love on the line.

"Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law."
(NAS) Romans 13:8

Love,
C

Frozen

I just got done reading a blog a dear friend of mine posted. It's by far one of my favorites because in it he made me feel incredibly encouraged, inspired, terrified, convicted and not so alone. Thank you friend. What a lovely person you are.

Today I was confronted with news that left me frozen in my train of thought. It was the strangest thing, once I heard it, it was like I evaluated how it was going to affect every area of my life. I started to think how unfair, how frightening, how uncertain, and how could this happen at time like this in my life? That's right, every possible question, selfish motive, and scenario decided to take precedence in my mind.

The state of being frozen-"a fixed state, preserving something at a low temperature, stoping a particular frame while viewing, becoming suddenly motionless or paralyzed with fear or shock". I guess that is where I am at right now...kind of looking at everything in my life for what it is and then over thinking what it isn't or could be.

Ever read "The Alchemist"? I found it in my stack of books "to read" the other day and decided to peruse it tonight. The beginning of the introduction seemed rather interesting so I decided to stick with it before jumping to chapter one. Mr. Coelho talked about the fear of realizing our dreams and the tragedy of "renouncing joy and conquest...BUT if you believe yourself worthy of the things you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here."

I'm not sure the actions on my part yet. I'm a hopeful person but matters of the heart are more complicated than logical calculations and a list of what's right and wrong. Clarity or at least faith (I'll take what i can get!) will come with reflection but I pray with hope and courage that fear will hold no place in my thoughts and decisions. After all, I'm much too fond of laughter, learning, and adventure to let it bring me down.

Love and not so frozen things,
C