Frozen

I just got done reading a blog a dear friend of mine posted. It's by far one of my favorites because in it he made me feel incredibly encouraged, inspired, terrified, convicted and not so alone. Thank you friend. What a lovely person you are.

Today I was confronted with news that left me frozen in my train of thought. It was the strangest thing, once I heard it, it was like I evaluated how it was going to affect every area of my life. I started to think how unfair, how frightening, how uncertain, and how could this happen at time like this in my life? That's right, every possible question, selfish motive, and scenario decided to take precedence in my mind.

The state of being frozen-"a fixed state, preserving something at a low temperature, stoping a particular frame while viewing, becoming suddenly motionless or paralyzed with fear or shock". I guess that is where I am at right now...kind of looking at everything in my life for what it is and then over thinking what it isn't or could be.

Ever read "The Alchemist"? I found it in my stack of books "to read" the other day and decided to peruse it tonight. The beginning of the introduction seemed rather interesting so I decided to stick with it before jumping to chapter one. Mr. Coelho talked about the fear of realizing our dreams and the tragedy of "renouncing joy and conquest...BUT if you believe yourself worthy of the things you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here."

I'm not sure the actions on my part yet. I'm a hopeful person but matters of the heart are more complicated than logical calculations and a list of what's right and wrong. Clarity or at least faith (I'll take what i can get!) will come with reflection but I pray with hope and courage that fear will hold no place in my thoughts and decisions. After all, I'm much too fond of laughter, learning, and adventure to let it bring me down.

Love and not so frozen things,
C