Today

"Love is a feeling to be learned.
It is tension and fulfillment.
It is deep longing and hostility.
It is gladness and it is pain.
There is not one without the other."
-W. Trobisch


Happy Valentines friends <3
C

PS I don't know Robert or Catherine...but I liked it and they seem like they would be cool folks to hang with it.

love on the line

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in thinking that fame, lots of recognition for hard work, getting many people to come to an event, having the highest view count on your music page, etc means you are successful and doing well in life. As a musician, it's get easy to get discourage by low ratings and going through the struggle to find "your big break"...I've been having some conversations with people...particular people I call "the rabbi's" in my life. They listen, sift through the mess with me, love me and guide me.

My friend recently updated her blog. It's been a while you see and I have pestered her day in and day out about getting something on there. She's got stories, many full of awkward moments, joys and trials. She finally posted not one but TWO and how beautifully composed they were. From 12:10 AM to 12:15 AM, I cried, laugh and smiled reading her stories and reflections. Thank you friend. No one has ever given me the title of the leading character in a story. Your words were more humbling than ever and healing to my bones.

Sometimes it's hard to realize that the unexpected places hold more life than could ever unfold, lots of recognition is nice but not as nice as the impact you've made in the end, getting a lot of people to come to an event is great but if one life is influenced then numbers don't really matter, and maybe not that many people listened to your music page but one person did and it made all the difference in their life at that point..etc. This is what makes life real.

You never truly realize the impact you make on another person.

To my dearest friends, you know who you are, thank you for sharing your words, encouragement, concerns, call outs, ears and hearts. Thank you for stepping out when you don't have to, when it's inconvenient, when you're going through messy situations yourself but reach out instead. Don't you ever believe for one instant that any of your words or services of love return null and void. It's made all the difference somehow. :)

If one person gets it: a song that reflected exactly what was on their hearts, an action that reached out, a blog that lifted their heart, an email that expressed concern and care, a sacrifice made out of one's own personal interest...if one person gets it, that's all that is needed. That is love on the line.

"Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law."
(NAS) Romans 13:8

Love,
C

Frozen

I just got done reading a blog a dear friend of mine posted. It's by far one of my favorites because in it he made me feel incredibly encouraged, inspired, terrified, convicted and not so alone. Thank you friend. What a lovely person you are.

Today I was confronted with news that left me frozen in my train of thought. It was the strangest thing, once I heard it, it was like I evaluated how it was going to affect every area of my life. I started to think how unfair, how frightening, how uncertain, and how could this happen at time like this in my life? That's right, every possible question, selfish motive, and scenario decided to take precedence in my mind.

The state of being frozen-"a fixed state, preserving something at a low temperature, stoping a particular frame while viewing, becoming suddenly motionless or paralyzed with fear or shock". I guess that is where I am at right now...kind of looking at everything in my life for what it is and then over thinking what it isn't or could be.

Ever read "The Alchemist"? I found it in my stack of books "to read" the other day and decided to peruse it tonight. The beginning of the introduction seemed rather interesting so I decided to stick with it before jumping to chapter one. Mr. Coelho talked about the fear of realizing our dreams and the tragedy of "renouncing joy and conquest...BUT if you believe yourself worthy of the things you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here."

I'm not sure the actions on my part yet. I'm a hopeful person but matters of the heart are more complicated than logical calculations and a list of what's right and wrong. Clarity or at least faith (I'll take what i can get!) will come with reflection but I pray with hope and courage that fear will hold no place in my thoughts and decisions. After all, I'm much too fond of laughter, learning, and adventure to let it bring me down.

Love and not so frozen things,
C

Pencils

What a day friends...Ever say that at the end of the day?

Today, I got to spend some time with my students and teach them music. I never quite realized the tedious work of teaching...
most of the time, teachers spend working in the grime and dirt. It's not pretty or glamorous and cuts into your mealtimes. Teachers are the ones who call you out and work with you until you understand. It's like, as a teacher, they are saying they've been there and done that, and they're trying to get the student to believe they can achieve it too.

A word to teachers: thank you for being the amazing people that you are and putting yourselves out there for our sake. You're the most honest and hopeful people I know. I only hope to be as amazing as you.

I got to share a song with someone today. It's funny how something can be painful and sad but when you are able to use that and help someone understand they are not alone, it can actually have a positive light. Sometimes, ok let's admit it, most times I wonder if I am cut out for this music thing...then I find myself sharing my stories through song and someone gets it. They are able for one minute to sigh and be at peace whether in laughter, in tears or both. ha! These are heavenly moments and by heavenly moments I mean...moments that can't really be explained by anything else other than saying it's just God.

The rest of the most beautiful afternoon ever was spent taking photos for my website. It was great. My dressing room was let's say...mobile? From car to behind trees. I guess that's what you get when you take pictures at random places in a city. It's hard taking those "serious, thought provoking" solo artist pictures...because I'm pretty sure my thoughts consisted of how many possible ways can you move your facial muscles, do I look away and act pouty, and if so, being pouty is pitiful Cas...don't be pouty and then my face tightens and then my face kicks in awkward mode and I lose all possible chance of looking "cool and nonchalant" to the world. I'm just a goofy person who loves to smile, be sassy and silly. Can't hide it. Do you think there's room for me in the cool artist world?

oh this music thing...one step, even some silly ones, at a time.

Love,
C

Two by Two

18 Now as Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon who was called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen.

19 And He said to them, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men."

20 Immediately they left their nets and followed Him.

(Matthew 4:18-20)-NASB

_________

41 And He sat down opposite the treasury, and began observing how the people were putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums.

42 A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent.

43 Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, "Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury;

44 for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her poverty, put in all she owned, all she had to live on."

(Mark 12:41-44)-NASB
__________

Two best friends living in two different places sat in two different church as these two passages were preached on today.

Two best friends living in two different places at two different places in their lives open their eyes and hearts to new understanding, for that is the purpose of faith.

Two best friends understanding that God calls us to get out of our heads full of doubt, uncertainty, failure, fear and loneliness and realize something/one greater beyond ourselves...something/one we can wholeheartedly belong to and ultimately be able to stand tall because of it.

Love,
C

timeless princess

It's 10:27 pm and I am tired. a good kind of tired says one of my friends. I've had a fairly productive week and started running again. :)

Today, I recorded some music and went to teach some students pieces for a singing competition.
One thing I am starting to discover about working with different singers is that you can learn a lot about someone's personality and demeanor through their voices and understanding about music. They each take a different path finding their "voice" or understanding of the concept. Singing, music making, learning how to make music an artform in your own experience...it all seems so abstract much like fluffy purple elephants on a picnic or something like that. I guess that is the beautiful thing about music and art. You know, well fed elephants and all.

After practice, I hung out in the choir room and played some songs on the piano. One particular piece, "So this is love" from Cinderella, a princess song. As I was singing, one of my students came by to listen and she started to sing along with me too. It's like one of those scenes from a musical, where all is right in the world when the characters suddenly dabble into music and sing away. They shut themselves out from the world and become a prince or princess in their own right.

I was thinking about Disney princesses and it seems these days, the princess movies are becoming far and few...however...the idea of wanting to be a princess...I believe this doesn't ever die really. Life just kind of cycles around like that which is an interesting idea in itself. The ironies, joy, struggle, fights, awkward situations, sadness, victories...all battling to find out the truth and make sense of it. Redemption really.

I guess if anything, what I most enjoy about teaching my students as well as myself is that we have every right to sing, find personal truth, that unique inner "voice" inside all of us and not feel the least bit guilty because of it.

Love,
C

delightful

My Grandma sent this. She's so cute.

<3
C