"It's that time of year..."

As you get older, sometimes Christmas time starts to lose its sparkle.

It's like your eyes start to see the: multitude of cars in the lanes, busy people, longer lines, longer lists of gifts, less money in your pocket, disgruntled family members, broken relationships, time running out, and so forth.

It's like your ears start to hear the: horns blaring, grumbling footsteps, impatient sighs, tissue paper crinkling, change spilling on to the counter, yelling, lack of conversation, tick tock tick tock...

Sights, sense, smell, surreal

Expectations that make us peel

our skins to what's underneath.

We want it to be real,

the sights, sense, smell, surreal,

and somehow it's all lost.

The layers continue to grow,

taking even longer as we age,

to disrobe the rinds.

I look around to see in hopes of

something like beauty, a

sound, a warm touch, a stream of winter's cold air.

I can't seem to feel it in my bones,

the layers keep me from feeling at home.

I think this Christmas is different for me this year. The hustle and bustle has made me realize so many things about myself. How I long for a wonderful cheery Christmas yet seem so easily upset when plans don't go my way or when the line is too long or when people don't fall into my list of what is right/wrong or when time is racing and I feel like I'm going 5 mph. It seem as if Christmas illuminates the truly good and truly ugly. It's when family pressures increase, money is an put on the spot, time is split between family and friends that we see right through those "happy and jolly" spirits. I'm not sure whether this thought is hopeful or completely depressing. I do wish for you moments...moments when you take a seat and breathe in the air.

Silence fills my mind in moments,

if only for those moments, I may

find solace and layers melt away.

I will want to feel again.

<3

C

Tire shop, squeals, and Mozart

While I was sitting in a tire shop waiting for my car to be done I decided to finish up a book I'd been reading. Were there excited squeals coming from my corner? Yes...A chuckle or two? Perhaps? Sighs of relief? You betcha. Nothing like reading a book you completely relate to.

"The story goes that a young, aspiring composer cornered Mozart and demanded to know, "How should I learn the art of composition?"

Mozart answered, "Don't compose a thing until you have studied the great works carefully, until you have understood the methods of the masters. Wait until you are ready, and then and only then, you may try your hand at composing," The student looked shocked and disappointed, said, "But Maestro, certainly you did not proceed in that way." Mozart answered, "I never asked such a question either."

Those who want to compose usually shoot first and ask questions later."

-Bruce Adolphe, Of Mozart, Parrots and Cherry Blossoms in the Wind

Now I certainly do not in any way compare myself to the likes of Mozart! ha! I do however, feel the same type of spark he must have felt when he had the urge to bring music to form. People ask me how I write songs, compose melodies for voice and instrument even ones I've never played. I don't guarantee they are by any means adequate parts or even appropriate for the instrument(s) and if they aren't, I discuss with my player, we negotiate, move on and I learn yet another tool for my writing. :) I just love it all...words, music, and ideas. They come about and something in me stirs to get them written down. It's just how it is...like eating, breathing, and sleeping. It keeps me alive.

<3

C

-

Soak up

These past few days I've been working on my Christmas EP as well as a music video to promote it. These are new frontiers for me and I've been soaking it up and learning gobs and gobs of information. It's been incredible. I completely respect those sound engineers and videographers for all they do. It's an incredibly tedious, creative and detailed job that requires an enormous amount of patience.

It's been a great time getting to be in "their worlds" and see how they view things. I absolutely love it. I probably won't banking on this EP and these people aren't famous or anything but they see the creative world of music in a different way than I do. That's quite enough for me to amazed and grateful, for I am able to understand and see music in a different way. That's the best thing.

Onward to music making and hoping to make it to Christmas this year with restful and joyful spirits. It's a good time for it friends.

Love,

C

PS--> EP will be available for free download on Monday, December 19, 2011!!!!!!!

Photo by: Torin Halsey

Just one day.

My parents went to a Christmas party tonight.

I went to finish up mixing my Christmas EP.

My parents had the best time playing the white elephant gift exchange game at the party. I had a blast learning how to mix a CD, mess with different effects, and create different sounds at the studio.

I remember growing up going to Christmas parties where the white elephant gift exchange was a must for Christmas games. My parents would always hear about it yet never participated in it.

For some reason, it was just neat to me that they got to enjoy themselves and play this silly little game while I got to embark on what might possibly be a long term music career for me. It's like my parents got to have some fun tonight. Things have been rough with them but I'm not one to write a blog complaining about my life.

I'm just taking one day at a time. All I know is tonight we all laughed in whatever we did and had a good time. Just one day. One day at a time.

On to tomorrow,

C

In process

It was a wonderful weekend full of family, food, laziness and craft time. I was writing a letter yesterday and forgot what the date was. I don't think that has happened to me in a really long time. I'm usually quite on to of my dates and to-dos...but this past weekend wasn't about that at all. I had my opening weekend with a musical and got to catch up with family, friends and craft time.

My nieces and I had an awesome time cutting up sweaters and making something new out them. Who would have thought people were this crafty!Ugh...utterly disgusts me how creative people are...so a friend and I thought we'd give it a try and somehow I dragged my nieces into it!

We had the best time making these. Were we expecting perfect mittens and hats?...well maybe...did we reap those results? HA! no :) However, it was fun and sure, they may look alittle odd but that's what craft time is about.

The trick to these hats and mittens is getting the sewing part down. You have to turn them inside out to sew and piece them together...and as I kept sewing, I started to wonder if this chaotic patchwork will amount to anything. It's not pretty. However, as I started to turn the hat or mitten back out for its normal wear, I was surprised to see that it looked somewhat normal. It's kind of quirky but it fits.

End results never quite match what you intended yet somehow...sometimes they end up being so much better than you ever thought.

Quirky kind of love,

C

PS. Those beautiful models are my adorable nieces. <3

Both sides

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.

But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say I've changed.

Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,

From win and lose, and still somehow

It's life's illusions i recall.

I really don't know life at all.

-Joni Mitchell

Well it certainly has been some time since I've jotted down my little musings on life. I just had my first performance as a lead in a musical. I must admit, until our first performance, I was starting to lose energy and excitement with each rehearsal. However, post-performance, I gained momentum back. I love playing to the audience. There is something so energizing about a performer and audience connection no matter what type of performance you have.

All that leading up to today...Thanksgiving, a much needed break to be with lots of people and eat. We don't ever take enough time to just sit and eat...soaking up the entire time with conversation and enjoyment of the food prepared. It's a truly relaxing and wonderful thing. I decided to take a walk outside halfway through the meal. It was a wise decision and even refreshing, for the weather was decked in its beautiful fall glow.

Families. History. Some good and some bad. Memories made and memories never to be brought up ever again. A holiday that is to be about love and thanksgiving doesn't quite turn out as we had expected. I must admit it's terribly disappointing when you want everyone to just enjoy each other, eat, drink and be merry. Funny thing is, I think we all feel this way. We just want it to be right and somehow it isn't and this is precisely an expectation we all carry to our family gatherings each holiday.

Gobbling the goodness leftover from the day.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Peace,

C

Different heartbeats

I have found myself lately wondering what genre my music falls into. The more I try to figure it out, the more that stress nerve bulges out of my forehead (I don't really have one there...just figuratively speaking I suppose). Anyway, I sometimes wish I had just one genre that I stuck to. It would make life easier wouldn't it?

Then again we'd all like to know we have options right? Who would want to be forced into anything? I know I wouldn't. In fact, it's moments when a decision is made for me, I stubbornly turn the other way. So basically Casie, you should be very pleased to know that your options are very free and open and you aren't tied down to anything. Time is too short to be tied down to anything. Keep on walking friends.

The same songs,

play over again by

the musician.

He wants to be heard,

so he speaks the absurd

and maybe he'll win my heart.

The music, it reminds me of

a memory.

So I buy, play, gorge and bury

myself in its ambient lust.

Somewhere it speaks to someone.

To him it's gold,

to her, it's coal.

Music and Memory

from a musician's soul.

Night and sweet lullabies,

C