"It's that time of year..."

As you get older, sometimes Christmas time starts to lose its sparkle.

It's like your eyes start to see the: multitude of cars in the lanes, busy people, longer lines, longer lists of gifts, less money in your pocket, disgruntled family members, broken relationships, time running out, and so forth.

It's like your ears start to hear the: horns blaring, grumbling footsteps, impatient sighs, tissue paper crinkling, change spilling on to the counter, yelling, lack of conversation, tick tock tick tock...

Sights, sense, smell, surreal

Expectations that make us peel

our skins to what's underneath.

We want it to be real,

the sights, sense, smell, surreal,

and somehow it's all lost.

The layers continue to grow,

taking even longer as we age,

to disrobe the rinds.

I look around to see in hopes of

something like beauty, a

sound, a warm touch, a stream of winter's cold air.

I can't seem to feel it in my bones,

the layers keep me from feeling at home.

I think this Christmas is different for me this year. The hustle and bustle has made me realize so many things about myself. How I long for a wonderful cheery Christmas yet seem so easily upset when plans don't go my way or when the line is too long or when people don't fall into my list of what is right/wrong or when time is racing and I feel like I'm going 5 mph. It seem as if Christmas illuminates the truly good and truly ugly. It's when family pressures increase, money is an put on the spot, time is split between family and friends that we see right through those "happy and jolly" spirits. I'm not sure whether this thought is hopeful or completely depressing. I do wish for you moments...moments when you take a seat and breathe in the air.

Silence fills my mind in moments,

if only for those moments, I may

find solace and layers melt away.

I will want to feel again.

<3

C

Tire shop, squeals, and Mozart

While I was sitting in a tire shop waiting for my car to be done I decided to finish up a book I'd been reading. Were there excited squeals coming from my corner? Yes...A chuckle or two? Perhaps? Sighs of relief? You betcha. Nothing like reading a book you completely relate to.

"The story goes that a young, aspiring composer cornered Mozart and demanded to know, "How should I learn the art of composition?"

Mozart answered, "Don't compose a thing until you have studied the great works carefully, until you have understood the methods of the masters. Wait until you are ready, and then and only then, you may try your hand at composing," The student looked shocked and disappointed, said, "But Maestro, certainly you did not proceed in that way." Mozart answered, "I never asked such a question either."

Those who want to compose usually shoot first and ask questions later."

-Bruce Adolphe, Of Mozart, Parrots and Cherry Blossoms in the Wind

Now I certainly do not in any way compare myself to the likes of Mozart! ha! I do however, feel the same type of spark he must have felt when he had the urge to bring music to form. People ask me how I write songs, compose melodies for voice and instrument even ones I've never played. I don't guarantee they are by any means adequate parts or even appropriate for the instrument(s) and if they aren't, I discuss with my player, we negotiate, move on and I learn yet another tool for my writing. :) I just love it all...words, music, and ideas. They come about and something in me stirs to get them written down. It's just how it is...like eating, breathing, and sleeping. It keeps me alive.

<3

C

-

Soak up

These past few days I've been working on my Christmas EP as well as a music video to promote it. These are new frontiers for me and I've been soaking it up and learning gobs and gobs of information. It's been incredible. I completely respect those sound engineers and videographers for all they do. It's an incredibly tedious, creative and detailed job that requires an enormous amount of patience.

It's been a great time getting to be in "their worlds" and see how they view things. I absolutely love it. I probably won't banking on this EP and these people aren't famous or anything but they see the creative world of music in a different way than I do. That's quite enough for me to amazed and grateful, for I am able to understand and see music in a different way. That's the best thing.

Onward to music making and hoping to make it to Christmas this year with restful and joyful spirits. It's a good time for it friends.

Love,

C

PS--> EP will be available for free download on Monday, December 19, 2011!!!!!!!

Photo by: Torin Halsey

Just one day.

My parents went to a Christmas party tonight.

I went to finish up mixing my Christmas EP.

My parents had the best time playing the white elephant gift exchange game at the party. I had a blast learning how to mix a CD, mess with different effects, and create different sounds at the studio.

I remember growing up going to Christmas parties where the white elephant gift exchange was a must for Christmas games. My parents would always hear about it yet never participated in it.

For some reason, it was just neat to me that they got to enjoy themselves and play this silly little game while I got to embark on what might possibly be a long term music career for me. It's like my parents got to have some fun tonight. Things have been rough with them but I'm not one to write a blog complaining about my life.

I'm just taking one day at a time. All I know is tonight we all laughed in whatever we did and had a good time. Just one day. One day at a time.

On to tomorrow,

C

In process

It was a wonderful weekend full of family, food, laziness and craft time. I was writing a letter yesterday and forgot what the date was. I don't think that has happened to me in a really long time. I'm usually quite on to of my dates and to-dos...but this past weekend wasn't about that at all. I had my opening weekend with a musical and got to catch up with family, friends and craft time.

My nieces and I had an awesome time cutting up sweaters and making something new out them. Who would have thought people were this crafty!Ugh...utterly disgusts me how creative people are...so a friend and I thought we'd give it a try and somehow I dragged my nieces into it!

We had the best time making these. Were we expecting perfect mittens and hats?...well maybe...did we reap those results? HA! no :) However, it was fun and sure, they may look alittle odd but that's what craft time is about.

The trick to these hats and mittens is getting the sewing part down. You have to turn them inside out to sew and piece them together...and as I kept sewing, I started to wonder if this chaotic patchwork will amount to anything. It's not pretty. However, as I started to turn the hat or mitten back out for its normal wear, I was surprised to see that it looked somewhat normal. It's kind of quirky but it fits.

End results never quite match what you intended yet somehow...sometimes they end up being so much better than you ever thought.

Quirky kind of love,

C

PS. Those beautiful models are my adorable nieces. <3

Both sides

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.

But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say I've changed.

Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,

From win and lose, and still somehow

It's life's illusions i recall.

I really don't know life at all.

-Joni Mitchell

Well it certainly has been some time since I've jotted down my little musings on life. I just had my first performance as a lead in a musical. I must admit, until our first performance, I was starting to lose energy and excitement with each rehearsal. However, post-performance, I gained momentum back. I love playing to the audience. There is something so energizing about a performer and audience connection no matter what type of performance you have.

All that leading up to today...Thanksgiving, a much needed break to be with lots of people and eat. We don't ever take enough time to just sit and eat...soaking up the entire time with conversation and enjoyment of the food prepared. It's a truly relaxing and wonderful thing. I decided to take a walk outside halfway through the meal. It was a wise decision and even refreshing, for the weather was decked in its beautiful fall glow.

Families. History. Some good and some bad. Memories made and memories never to be brought up ever again. A holiday that is to be about love and thanksgiving doesn't quite turn out as we had expected. I must admit it's terribly disappointing when you want everyone to just enjoy each other, eat, drink and be merry. Funny thing is, I think we all feel this way. We just want it to be right and somehow it isn't and this is precisely an expectation we all carry to our family gatherings each holiday.

Gobbling the goodness leftover from the day.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Peace,

C

Different heartbeats

I have found myself lately wondering what genre my music falls into. The more I try to figure it out, the more that stress nerve bulges out of my forehead (I don't really have one there...just figuratively speaking I suppose). Anyway, I sometimes wish I had just one genre that I stuck to. It would make life easier wouldn't it?

Then again we'd all like to know we have options right? Who would want to be forced into anything? I know I wouldn't. In fact, it's moments when a decision is made for me, I stubbornly turn the other way. So basically Casie, you should be very pleased to know that your options are very free and open and you aren't tied down to anything. Time is too short to be tied down to anything. Keep on walking friends.

The same songs,

play over again by

the musician.

He wants to be heard,

so he speaks the absurd

and maybe he'll win my heart.

The music, it reminds me of

a memory.

So I buy, play, gorge and bury

myself in its ambient lust.

Somewhere it speaks to someone.

To him it's gold,

to her, it's coal.

Music and Memory

from a musician's soul.

Night and sweet lullabies,

C

Luminous

I recently entered 2 paintings into a local art show and one of my paintings was bought by someone! :) eeeeeekkkkk. I'm hanging in someone's house...not literally speaking...nevertheless, madly exciting.

<3

C

really I do?

Recently I just had a wonderful experience at a songwriting competition in La Grange, TX at the Bugle Boy. It was a quaint and lovely listening room. It was the first experience I had in a listening room and it was amazing. Everyone had this mutual respect for singer-songwriters and it's a rare find truly. The room was intimate and the sound was ever so present. Raw and full.

It was new for me and I was quite nervous but I enjoyed being up there in the spotlight. I spoke with one of the judges to receive some feedback of my performance. I'll keep it to myself but he was both encouraging and constructive.

I placed in the top 3 finalists. Did not advance but I was fine. During the competition, it stopped being about that and more about listening and performing.

I'll admit a couple of days before, I was wondering if I am cut out for this? Where do I belong genre wise and why must I continue searching and fluttering about when all I want is to know where I best fit as a singer/musician/songwriter?

One thing from this weekend was most meaningful for me. The presence of sound, music, judges, and uncertainty amidst all of it. It was as if a magnifying glass was held up to me and I was forced to look at myself. Ugh...what a horrid thing anyone has to do, look at themselves so up close and personal...and judge.

However, as a result of it all there was a decision that was laid out for me. Do you want to commit to being critical of your craft in order to grow? To get into the grime and nitty gritty of your performance, your weaknesses, your strengths and continue to stretch yourself? Do you want this all for the sake of music/singing/writing?

If I may be so honest with you, I'm not quite sure I like it when I get constructive feedback or when someone seems displeased with my music and especially when I have to admit, yeah I need some work there and there and really I'm slacking in an area which is supposedly my greatest strength?

However, if I may be honest again, there's an energy that abounds within all of this for me which is seemingly impossible to explain. It's an energy that keeps me hopeful and some may say an inner light that is rare.

Video to posted soon on my website.

Thanks for reading whoever you are. I hope you find the same energy and conviction as well.

<3

C

Backward and Forward

Some days are good, some are bad, some are iffy, and some you wished never happened. I suppose my day fell in between those somehow. It's one of those days when you forget why you do what you do. I'm referring to my music. I wonder if people think and fret over life plans as much as I do.

It's time like these where you bake, go running, crank up the music and dance and then wonder what else do you do to make these thoughts go away and why the heck haven't those knot in your stomach subsided?

I found myself going back to the "why" of it all. It's precisely moments like these where you remind yourself of the why for the sake of your beliefs, convictions, plans, type of salad dressing, relationships, etc...

It brings you back to fragrant memories, where it all started and at that moment, you smile and remember that it's going to be ok.

My moment of making music began not for an audience or even a close loved one. Rather, in my college chapel late at night where I wrote my first song. It wasn't complex. Simple chords, really. Just me, the piano, pen and paper and an experience. It was at that moment when I had meaning, an emotion and experience and I wanted to put it into some form to remember it and give it life. I had an important moment there that paved the path for which I am treading on currently.

Know your why's. For I personally believe everything you do hinges on that itty-bitty 3-letter word.

<3

C

Childhood

When mom would pick me up from school, occasionally I would be greeted by a white paper bag filled with yummy M&M cookies made fresh from Margie's Sweet Shop. You have no idea how much anticipation I had prior to opening the bag filled with these delicious treats. I can recount the details, texture and most importantly, the warm fuzzy feelings. Tonight, I attempted to bake them in hopes they would turn out just right. Of course, they aren't identical but I was quite satisfied. :)

Aren't they adorable?

mmmm good,

C

Head scratching

I have so much to say. It's been terribly, incredibly, exhaustingly too long!

I just had a concert. You find yourself planning and planning and then it

happens and you can't even catch your breath.

Well, I am finally catching it and reflecting on the good and bad. I'm a rather terribly critical person. We did not have as many people at the concert and I was hoping since we had appeared on many news stations, radio shows, and featured in the paper, that'd we have a better turn out than last year. My first inclination is to think, did we not do enough?

It's funny how sometimes every time things don't go your way, you find yourself scratching your head and thinking it through again. This is what I have been doing. Sure, I basked in the glory of good music that was made with new additional music players: a violin, cello and flute. However, basking only lasts for a little bit.

This whole scratching of the head is quite sobering. Although things did not turn out exactly how I wanted, i.e. a full crowd, recognition, smoother night with the lights. The audience there, specifically the program workers from the mission, were the most supportive. If they had a wonderful time and night out from the mission, then it was worth it.

I got to work with incredible people: sound, tech, volunteers, speakers and musicians. I got to be part of all of it...overwhelming indeed but well worth the ride. I was amazed and humbled.

Where do I go from here, you might ask?

Well the adventure does NOT stop here, I can assure you. Of course, I must catch up on sleep and eating is important too and walks while Fall is here most definitely. However, I'm ready for more. I'm ready for some more head scratching time. I'm glad I could make people laugh and take them through the musical world in which I live in.

Summary:

• 2canshare benefit raised $880.00 for the Faith Mission's Faith Refuge
• Faith Mission program workers had a delightful time
• My mom cried
• Dad did an exceptional job on the guitar
• Musicians were fantastic
• I was quirky and awkward

I know I am no one famous and I know there wasn't a huge audience but one thing that meant the most to me was what a lady told me, who founded the Faith Refuge for women and children. She summed up the entire night: talented and sincere.

That's all I needed to hear and now, moving forward.

Love,

C

PS stay in touch with my musical happenings please!!!---My Website

the prettiest

today was beautiful. i ended up driving around a bit longer than expected. the clouds were out and the cool air breezed through. i had the windows down and some folk music in the background.

as I was driving, I could hear leaves rustling in the streets. it was absolutely soothing.

you know those pitiful moments you have when you wonder just how much longer do you have to be alone? when will you have that story of 'i found someone and they found me' and now, i'm closer to having that normal story or at least expected story.

i have a friend who recently had a date and i was happy for her. surprisingly I would usually be happy on the outside and cry 'why me' on the inside but I didn't. i just smiled with excitement for her because she's a beautiful person and someone needs to tell he that.

i have a friend who is going to ask a girl for her number and all I can think is lucky girl. he is a dear friend and i am so happy for him.

so me, well here i am in the midst of music, life, musics, writings, and dreams thinking, "hmm it would be pretty easy to throw a poor Casie party" wouldn't it? course even then, i can't help but be excited for my dear friends. i'm so proud of them for staying just as they are.

the other day I was musing over what the word 'pretty' meant in relation to people. physically, emotionally, all of it. being real is pretty. sometimes it surprises you and can look quite messy. really messy, like crying about how life doesn't make much sense, wondering if you're worth it, if he/she would even notice you, seizing the awkward moments, confessing, admitting you need a shoulder or two, spilling your guts out and then some etc... Much like baking cookies (funny thought huh?), flour goes everywhere and chocolate chips run amuck on your counter as you steal some for your own pleasures and voila!, lovely cookies are the outcome of such productivity. it's just how we get there. it's messy and it's real which is, in my opinion, the prettiest we can get.

Love,

C

PS www.casieluong.com for upcoming concerts!

Sober

Today is 9/11 and it's a universal day in the US. Lots of families mourning the loss of loved ones while others recount exactly where they were and how they felt on such a tragic and unpredictable day. I can't believe it's been 10 years since. It's important to remember though, it keeps us sober.

As the days continue to inch towards October 7th (The Two Can Share benefit concert), I've become increasingly anxious for the outcome. We are trying out new things this year such as: more PR, ticket sales, and a new set list. I'm excited as all get out. I'm scared as all get out. As with anything new, the possibilities are uncertain.

My friend and I are trying to get sponsors within our community and it has been hmm rough. Given the state of our economy, I'd say that has put a damper on our tries. It's interesting though...you mention benefit concert and everyone is all happy and then you mention ticket sales or donating money and people freeze. The sense of "yay we are helping each other" sort of dissipates into thin air. I understand businesses have certain restrictions and obligations, etc and that some people hardly have enough to provide for their families. I get that.

So I sit here with Two can share benefit concert flyers and tickets around me on the floor, wondering 'why am I doing this'? Why the music, the dream, the idea of helping others in need of basic human necessities, the trying, the cause, the investment and feeling like all I encounter is a brick wall. I wonder myself how often I've said no to a benefit concert and how that person who organized it must have felt and how I still thought I was such a humanitarian in other aspects of my life.

I wonder, 'am I not really cut out for this'? Is this not anyone else's passion and if it isn't then how do I get the word out and get people interested? I want people to give because they want to give. It's their own decision to make.

This whole ordeal has made me look at money differently...I'm not going to lie...I'm pretty thrifty and my mom and dad probably give a whole lot more than I ever would for anything but I'm learning that it's important to understand the necessities in life and go on from there. It's a tough lesson to learn and I'm trying just like the next person.

Maybe I set the bar too high for selling tickets this year for the benefit concert but I would be most disappointed if I have set the bar too high for people in my friends and community. Furthermore, I only say these things because I've gotten to walk through these shoes of organizing a benefit concert and I can only say that my heart has been made sober through all of it.

<3

Casie

Definition

Black or white is gray

your color is different than mine, but I won't say

and if I say, what term will I use?

Will it be capitalized,

if not, then abused.

Didn't know it was wrong,

til' someone told me so,

was my world better when I didn't know?

Did I make you mad, mad today?

Choosing no side,

just sat in gray.

He or she, I'm not so sure.

It's ok, our way's better than before.

New views, new shoes so many to choose,

a decision's never made but you'll never lose,

you're a winner, you're your own,

you don't have to commit.

"Born this way baby",

you make your own fit.

You're never wrong,

you're always right,

If there is darkness, there is light.

Be your own, you're own is great,

No definition, no mistake.

Black, white, greenbluegray,

today, tomorrow, it's ok.

You don't have to know,

so you don't have to show,

that you choose me, trust me, love me-

your sins are atoned.

This is the life, the life you chose,

one where the definites take repose.

Free to wander, free to roam,

free to separate yourself from home.

Tradition, rot away

until something new arrives,

we all have better things to do

than wait for you to sink into the ground,

your honest, sinking, softening sounds.

Forget your words,

there's none of them left,

they have no place,

they're old and bereft.

This is the life, the life you chose,

one where the definites take repose.

<3

C

"Born this way baby"-Lady Gaga 2010

After all

As leaders are vying for the Presidential Race of 2012, we've all either been tuning into the news, shaking out heads, discussing with friends, nodding in agreement, or shutting our eyes to all that is going on.

As each person steps up to the stand, each continue to address the issues they believe to be most important. Other times, they continue to criticize each other's political tactics. I wonder what these candidates were like in recess back in elementary school. Were they writing speeches with crayons? Rallying other kids? Bribing others with candy? Well, maybe not but I'm sure they were the head of their clubhouses, thinking they were the coolest bunch of kids with their clubhouse bracelets or something.

Reading and listening to campaign speeches upon speeches, there is something I haven't really witnessed and maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. I hardly ever hear candidates complimenting each other or pointing out a good thing the other party is contributing...I mean after all what does 'working like a team' have anything to do with politics!

I'm not asking for fluffy happiness and kum-baya time. I'm asking for once, could someone in the political race say something kind about the other opposing team/person/view? Just point out one good thing and then carry on with your own views.

Last food for thought...if the very people who believe they can change and do good for our society can't even point out at least one good thing in their opposing party, who's to say, they can suddenly generate good for the people once they become leaders? Every person thinks the other person is less intelligent and has an even more unintelligent way of doing things. Few actually stay open minded on that topic and I'm not talking conservative or liberal people here, just the far and few that I wish I was more like at times as well. Even families have dividing lines but somehow they are forced to work it out together and it can be done. Sure there is some grumbling and frustrated sighs here and there but in the end, it's about the family.

Believe you me, I'm all about watching a good race, seeing some fall and some rise up in the midst of trial. A fair game with great competitors is a game worth watching. All I'm asking from the competitors is: a handshake before the game, an encouraging remark once in a while or maybe a smile to one another, a sincere one at that?

What good would that do? After all, aren't we all trying to do something good here?

Peace,

C

I will wait

Today is the end of two days full of music. It's a good kind of tired. One I wouldn't mind having for the rest of my living days. Of course, throw in some sleep and down time in there and I'll be just fine.

I have one more page in my journal left and I thought "hmm there are so many directions it could go." I usually don't think about what I put in my journal, I just write. However, I do give thought to the very first and last pages. I believe the starting and ending have some merit. I'm sure it's purely psychological but that's what I think.

I don't like change. I don't like letting go. Yet, when someone was telling me that they have a new idea and are changing things around in their student organization. I replied, well if it works or does not work, there is change and change is always good. He nodded in agreement. (thoughts: uhmmm change for you not for me...).

So change is good right? (thoughts: ugh)

You are getting my attention tonight rather than the last pages of my little journal. I'm not quite ready to finish it off. I'm not sure what I will say. It's like a date with someone special or something. I want the words to be quite telling of how I feel yet I want to be hopeful simultaneously. Is it so impossible? My head is too tired at this moment to even bridge that gap.

A dear friend of mine reminded me today, be thoughtful and respect wherever you are at in life but leave room for the possibility of change. You never know. (thoughts: change, scary, change, no way, change, really?, change, scary).

Well, my last page will be filled nevertheless. (thoughts: it will be ok...just another thing about growing up. change. breathe. change.)

Love,

C

PS picture taken at Wichita Mountains

Books and companions

I was reading a book I borrowed from a friend and while reading it, I had the insatiable desire to mark it up. I love writing in books, drawing hearts near parts I love, making notes here and there...and I couldn't do so with this one because I borrowed it. Therefore I made little book marks with notes on them...well it got rather ridiculous when I had about 5 little papers sticking out from the preface...so I decided to look into purchasing it.

What made me decide to purchase this book you might wonder? In this day and age with our economy sinking like crazy and the debt ceiling at a standstill currently, how would anyone contemplate purchasing a book!? It's when the dear author said "who the dickens am I? I am just the same." I just knew I had to get it.

You ever read one of those books where you feel like you've made a dear friend. The author's mind and yours just click and you feel almost odd because relationships don't usually come about that way. It's like a conversation...the book speaks, you listen (by reading), and think and ask questions about it...and through it you feel as if you've made a wonderful connection.

Some of my dearest friends have taken ahold of some incredible opportunities and moved away. It was much harder for me to take that one since we had gotten so close but that's life. There are new and old friends. They speak, you speak, they laugh, you laugh, think through things, hold on to some thoughts and let others go...through it you feel as if you've made a wonderful connection. Time reveals them slowly...some are just for a season and others, for as long as you live. They are dear people to me. My first year out of college was a weird one and it still has glimmers of weirdness but still those people had such a great influence on me.

So now, I have a new school year to dive into, a new book and friend, and new adventures. It feels weird and I can't say I like it yet. I don't have an opinion just yet and I think that is alright and sometimes very necessary. We'll see.

Love,

C

Sincerity

Sometimes people are different than you are. Sometimes, they react in ways you find offensive. Sometimes people are just who they are without any care whether you like it or not. Sometimes more often than not, I'd like to think I'd be less frustrated if people were more like me or something like that.

These are stories that I picked up on:

"A friend came in from out of town and she seemed quieter than usual. In fact, she just kept to herself most of the time we hung out. It was a tad strange and I found it hard to connect with her. It kind of bothered me that she wasn't as talkative as usual. After all, we were both not going to see each other in a long time since she is studying abroad and I am moving back up to school again."

"It was my birthday today and most of the people at work acknowledged this. It was sweet although I'm not much of a birthday kind of girl and wouldn't have been the least bit sad if everyone went about their business on my birthday. One co-worker in particular, not a fan of me, did not even attempt to fake a happy birthday for me...she said nothing. Further on that note, after everyone congratulated me, she still seemed unenthusiastic."

As I listened to these stories I thought to myself, why would these people react that way? Why wouldn't the friend from out of town muster up some sort of enthusiasm to make the last moments before departure something meaningful instead of being so quiet and withdrawn. Why wouldn't the co-worker just force a happy birthday for the girl just for the sake of it being her day to celebrate? Why couldn't they just do something to please another person if they didn't feel like it? It's not asking much is it? A conversation? A celebratory statement?

I will admit, at least they are staying true to what they feel and who they are. Maybe the girl was more withdrawn because she is sad about leaving and that is how she deals with things. Maybe the co-worker didn't want to say happy birthday because she doesn't genuinely have any positive sympathy for her. I give them credit for not faking or pretending. They are who they are and that's how they deal with things.

People are people...some try to please more often than others, exchanging their honest affections for ones that lifts others up and some please less, being honest with how they feel and not disclosing anymore affections than they can offer...is one or the other more honorable? I'm not quite sure. I guess sometimes it'd be nice if we'd just remember, yeah I've been there too, I've done that, I'm not real proud of it and sometimes I'm not quite who I'd like to be either.

Love,

C

Remember

Words from my latest song:

"Dreaming, feelings of returning again and turning again"

It's easy to get bogged down with the rut of life...the same everyday kinds of things, with expectations, envy, doubt and uncertainty.

Recently I've started to get ready for planning another benefit concert soon. This will be the second annual concert and I'm definitely excited. Yet, my face doesn't seem to carry the same excitement as shown in my words. It's doubtful and scared and looks like it's forgotten why I started doing these things in the first place.

So I thought back to my girls at the shelter in Vietnam. I recently heard someone speak about emotional experiences and tied it to religious experiences and I thought to myself...do we just base our religious experiences solely on emotion? Isn't that rather superficial? Nevertheless, I reverted back to my girls...they were the motivation for why I started to fall in love with the concept of a benefit concert. I raised money to support them. I got to do what I love, music and share it with others and include them in a project so dear to me. That's why I love it.

I went back to my photo album with my girls and they made me smile. Each and everyone of them. I fell in love and was inspired that summer and I've made music whole heartedly ever since and when I have those moments where my face seems unconvinced of this musical pursuit of mine, I look back...emotional or not, superficial or not, that experience meant the world to me and will keep meaning the world to me.

It's interesting, I remember one time in my piano lessons with my professor, he could tell I was getting really frustrated with my playing and I could tell he was frustrated with my progress and he told me, I'm not sure what experience it will be for you but I know one happened with me where it made me look at music differently, it pushed me to go above and beyond my approach with performing...and it didn't make any sense to me then...I tried to picture my family and fake an emotional conviction to be the best for them but it just didn't happen and I tried to think of many other things...if I lost a limb and lost my ability to play etc...yet, each day, more and more as I commit to the music, that comment is making more sense to me and how grateful I am because of it, all of it.

Love,

C

Mistakes and burrs

My friend was recounting some stories today. Mainly his most recent one that involved climbing in a ditch to check to see if he put out his cigarette and as a result, finding his shorts, legs and shoes full of burrs. This image provoked the most outrageous laughter in me. It was fantastic. I know it must have been painful for him but still slightly amusing.

He had told me that when he was a kid, he went to the same ditch and fell flat on his stomach in there by taking a certain route to get to the bottom. So naturally now, he had learned his lesson and went a different route but I suppose burrs were unavoidable in any circumstance...they were just everywhere.

As he was telling me this story, my mind couldn't help but think, oh life. Life happens. When we are younger we make mistakes and as we grow up, we take different routes to avoid making the same mistakes and guess what happens, something else happens, the burrs of life. We don't make the same mistakes, new ones are bound to be made. No matter what or where, they will always be there and something else will always happen.

For now,
C

Heart peace

Conversation I had with my friend in email form:

Also, do I have a story for you. Oh how our lives are so similar. HA! goodness girl...don't know how my heart is...and funny that I just talked to you about being able to move on...I think I have but kind of like you...I have peace but don't feel peaceful. haha. oh how you rub off on me! awkwardness and all! neh..I think you and I just scream awkward all around.

How life is just...how God is just...how I'm just and how he is just...how him and I are just......well you know how that whole conversation plays out in your head when things happen and you just don't know exactly how to react....you just have the most intense puzzled look that falls on your face and you can't seem to shake it.



PS photo belongs to: Heart photo

Oreo cake balls

Alright, so I tried to make these delicious oreo cake balls this evening...I must say I had some rough moments. My dear friend M kindly shared her recipe with me and as I read over it, I thought, "surely, this must be THAT simple." I'm sure that it is for her. When she shows up at get togethers, she comes bearing lovely, perfectly smooth oreo cake balls. Yes, lovely, perfectly smooth is how I would describe those babies. Mine...err hmm...when I first started dipping the oreo balls into the melted coating, everything was working just fine...till the bark started to harden rather abruptly. Then my oreo balls looked liked they had been eaten and reproduced once again. I was struggling to make it work even though the coating was refusing to get on board with me. To sum up, it wasn't pretty.

I was frustrated to say the least. I had to step aside after some internal rage and ranting in order to collect myself. In my head, I had pictured these perfectly lovely smooth oreo cake balls before I even attempted to make them. I thought they are going to look like this. They are going to be great and M will be proud of me. I had great expectations.

After I collected myself, I went to melt another batch of coating. I calmly sat down and started over again and this new process was working and much more efficiently at that! Each oreo ball was looking better than the first! Unfortunately I ran out of the coating so I turned to some dark chocolate and decided to be creative and add peppermint to it. I am not sure the fate of those special ones but I had fun in making them up so we'll just see how it goes.

These past weeks I've thought a lot about embarking on this path of being a musician/artist. I've wondered why I haven't been able to crank new songs out of me, why some plans aren't falling through, why I'm still living where I am living...etc. I see others who are prominent artists now. I see people like Rebecca Black make it "big" on youtube. It seems that everyone can be popular in one second. Then I wonder why I am not there and why I can't get ahead. I have this expectation in my head to get recognized.

Is it really about getting signed? getting recognized? the fame?

Or more so, is it about the process of...the messing up, internal cursing, frustrations, having to take a step back and regain composure, thinking through any route and creatively picking up from there...

Then and finally then, as I was able to sit there and smile at my new desserts, I will be able to look back, smile and say what a ride!

However, you know this means one thing...I will probably have to recite this about 51000 times to myself each morning and each time I perform. Why 51000? It seemed more exaggerated than 50000...which is the point.

Love,
C

Gotta get in the zone.

Friends,
It's certainly been awhile hasn't it?! Don't worry I have not neglected you purposefully. Life just got in the way and separated me from you! It's funny though, I've had so many thoughts and ideas and am like "how in the world do I cram it all in one blog!". May was a busy busy month. I had my ups and downs.

Victories, as glorious as they are, can be the most fleeting when the downfalls come. Of course mom is there saying there are never any failures and I'm left thinking yeah sure. I was rejected at a singing competition and it was rough, I'm not going to lie. No one likes to be said no to and it's precisely at those moments, it is much easier to give it all up. However, something in me just won't let go...no matter how hard I tried.

On to a happier thought, my three voice students did superb at the UIL State solo and ensemble competition! So proud of them! 2 earned a silver and 1 a gold. I was so proud. I honestly believe I was more nervous than they were! It was the most wonderful thing, being able to walk through this entire process with them...getting in the dirt and grime of learning music and pushing them to go beyond their limits.

Those were the highs and lows that overtook my days and thoughts. The events just happened so fast and ran together, I didn't have too much time to think except just being in the zone. Sometimes I think that is the best thing for me...to not think...just be in the zone and go with it.

Now I'm back to the grime of everyday and of course it's Monday so I'm allowed to be alittle melodramatic, right? :) I think it's easy to come from the highs and victories and crash...you know? Where you find yourself questioning the quality of your happiness or progress based on your victories and downfalls. For the victories, ride those waves in, for the storms, push through to the eye of it, for the dull moments, just lay back on that surfboard and float along and maybe someone else is floating along too...have a chat with them to pass time by! Each of those moments have something incredible to offer even if it doesn't hit you right at first.

<3
C

PS Pic-Me and my voice students

The heart race

It's about a week before an important audition I have. I just recently competed in a local singing competition...aside from the tremendous amounts of adrenaline pumping through my veins and countless moments of doubt that invade my mind, I feel like I gained alot and am better prepared for this upcoming week!

This week, little things have been popping out at me: sights, what people say, songs, dances, quotes. It's as if suddenly you were in danger and every sense you have is on high alert and you notice everything. This is how it's been for me this past week...not the "in danger" part but the high sense alert to everything. Maybe it's my anxiousness for the next week...my own audition as well as my voice students. It's alot in one week but I feel well prepared for this. I believe the one thing I have been encouraging my students is: to be themselves. I tell them that they have a responsibility to give the music something special/different. Mainly that means being themselves not a copy cat of others...yes it's very gushy and prime PBS commercial material but crazy enough, it's true!

Even crazier, I believe this is the one goal I need to focus on for myself. Most of the time, I stand in the background. I feel as if I am being arrogant if I step up to the spotlight and sing something. I am not sure why I feel this way but I always have.

She quietly opens the door into the sanctuary. It's dark but pools of light seep through the stained glass windows on the sides. The ceiling is tall and no one is present. Darkness still hovers over the sanctuary as if it is asleep. She steps ever so lightly into the area nearing the pulpit feeling as if someone will catch her at any moment. She wasn't even sure what she would say. It's so quiet. She tried to breathe even quieter. For about 5 minutes she stood there contemplating...

"Alright I could sing for alittle bit. What if someone hears? Wouldn't that be the strangest thing? Wouldn't it be silly? How ridiculous would I look? Who does this? I mean, I must seem like a creepy person hanging out in the sanctuary. Goodness it's about 10 minutes now that I am still lost in though and the longer I wait to utter any sound, the more likely someone is going to pop through those doors. What do I sing? How loud?

Maybe just a little sound...*singing* I shocked myself. That was my voice and what if someone heard. I can't believe that was just me. Nothing else. That felt weird. I did kind of like it...however, I almost scared myself. Then I sang some more. Oh Casie just give it up and sing. So I stood there and sang for a little bit. Who does this I wonder? Who would do this? Am I crazy for doing this? Why am I still so hesitant?

Places we go to find sacredness, happiness, peace...how willing are we to expose them to others? I think that place I go to when I sing or make music is one of those places for me. It's a beautiful space that gives shape and meaning to the emotions and joy I feel. My heart races every time I go there but then again, that's where true life happens...something real, honest, spiritual, heartbreaking, painful, hopeful...that's where I begin.

Love,
C

PS Picture taken from: Stained glass at Vatican in Rome, Italy, St Peters Cathedral

Only you

I’ve always loved trees. They’re wonderful for climbing, resting, and/or napping in a hammock on a blissful Sunday afternoon.

“Mom, how tall can a tree grow?”
“It can grow for a long time,” she responded.
The child pondered a bit more…”Really? A tree can grow forever?”
"I suppose, dear." she replied.

“As it ages, the roots start to bury deeper into the ground.” She continued.
“Well I guess you have to water it a lot then?” questioned the child.

“No, the roots settle deep enough to gather it’s own supply of water in the ground…in fact, it’s when it is begins growing that you have to water it often because the roots are not deep enough to gather their own supply.” she answered.

It’s interesting how trees grow and keep growing…in fact you never know when it stops until years and years later when you can check out the rings on it or however they discover tree age. It remains such a mystery.

Where do they draw their supply from?
What about us?
What about our supply source?

My voice student talked about her recent epiphany about running track again. It had been her passion for so long. She took a year off because everyone kept pressuring her to pursue it professionally. They kept predicting her life for her and telling her that she was wasting her talents with quitting.

You know, I feel this is the same for faith. A constant pressuring of “you’re wasting your time falling out like this, you’re wrong and I’m right, if only you believed this then your life would be better, why don’t you understand, this is a serious mistake you are making.” See these things don’t communicate an understanding whatsoever. Similar to my student’s reaction to people’s responses to her decision in regards to quitting track, the human heart completely shuts off to such thoughts.

After a year, she had time to think over it, thoughts of running had been on her mind for a long time and she made the decision to do track again...on her own. She did realize however that a year off set her back physically but it did not set her passion back at all. In fact, it increased it. Her heart and mind are straight on the path again. Plain and simple, she wants it.

I couldn’t help but think about faith in terms like this. It starts as a want, a desire. Not the actions, people telling you what to do, the script of going to religious services and being super involved, doing the “right” thing…it’s easy to miss this point.

It’s a heart/mind desire and I believe this to be one of the greatest things God’s given man—the ability to have such passions and be moved by them where it affects you entire life, your actions, your outlook.

Have you thought much about your passion lately?
Your source?
Your supply?

Are one of those trees still growing or in desperate need to water supply? No one knows if you are still growing or not…only you do. Think about it.

Still growing,
C

P.S. Picture from Sulis

On my way

Dear friends,
I wonder what it'd be like to watch a movie that portrayed the common place things we do everyday...
the routines, the same parking space our cars occupy, the same faces, the same sayings and conversations, the embarrassing tripping over our own two feet that we hope no one saw, the Monday mornings...you know so well how it all goes. So much of life is this, the practical everyday things we have to do. Not so interesting is it? What happened to all the tragedy, heartache, drama, Grey's Anatomy soundtrack playing overhead, lovesickness, confusion and of course the final happy resolution (according to American films)?

I have no clue...however I'll tell you about my drive to work this morning...
It's about a 20 minute commute to work on a highway where I first pass lots of shops and a car lot. I spot the cop hiding out in the bushes and feel at ease with my speed limit since I've gotten so used to taking that route my foot naturally rests on 60-62ish. Then I veer left for my route.

Lately, there have been many wildfires about in these areas so I've witnessed lots of blackened terrain. It's sad really. It seems so spoiled and there is absolutely nothing you can do with it. However, on my drive today I noticed just after some rain we've had, splotches of green taking over those areas and it made me smile. How quickly a terribly looking area can become hopeful again.

I'm trekking on and pass exit 7. At this point, there is a slight hill that I pass and I overlook a huge field...I can't even see the end of it. It's golden as ever at this time. I have no idea what it is...I just think wheat or something. Whatever the case, it's an impeccable sight and every time I come near this exit I forget what troublesome thoughts are on my mind and just gaze.

I drive on and then eventually come to my exit and then work.

It's not the most exiting blockbuster filled adventure ever I'll admit, but that's life...you know, the everyday kinds of things. Regardless of any circumstance, always look around and gaze for a second. You'll laugh and forget the thought and then something else common will happen, you'll laugh and forget the thought once more and everyday begins again and again.

<3
C

Face value

Maria: I can't seem to stop singing wherever I am. And what's worse, I can't seem to stop saying things - anything and everything I think and feel.
Mother Abbess: Some people would call that honesty.
Maria: Oh, but it's terrible, Reverend Mother.

-Sound of Music



"I wished she'd never stop squeezing me. I wished I could spend the rest of my life as a child, being slightly crushed by someone who loved me."

-Ella Enchanted

"It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquillity: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it. Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, and millions are in silent revolt against their lot....Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel..."

-Jane Eyre

"Iris: [to Jasper] I don't know, but I think what I've got is something slightly resembling... GUMPTION*!"
*Gumption is defined as shrewd or spirited initiative and resourcefulness.

-The Holiday


<3
C

Packed away doesn't mean lost

I like to listen to saved voicemails. It’s like unlocking the thoughts and emotions of someone frozen in time. I listened to a couple of them today in my car and just about died laughing. They all made me smile while others made me alittle sad. I had the lovely experience of being able to reflect. These are eye opening moments…when you are able to look back and muddle in that place-then look up to realize time has passed and the amazing part is, you have to.

Voicemail 1: A friend of mine was experiencing the same struggles as I was concerning boys. Phase one of break ups: the “getting over” part and let me tell you the most torturous. I have to admit I laughed in tears because her message brought me back to those days that I ashamedly admit still experience at times. Part of that phase that hits you hard is the attachment phase or rather detachment. Everything you shared with that particular person now makes you want to vomit because it reminds you of them and makes you miss them even more.

For example, "I can’t eat at Vegan places because he was considerate when we went out to eat and took me to places with Vegan options." As my friend so dearly put it, “should chicken suffer because I won’t allow myself to glance at the Vegan section?”. Or even more so, “I can’t listen to rap music because he hates raps music and I listened to rap music because it was the only genre of music that didn't make me think of him but yet still does. Fail.” Yeah that gets you too…even the things they abhor.

Voicemail 2: Same friend…”so I drove by his place today…only because it was on my route home and made me think about him”. Creeper mode….why? Because we want to know what is going on in their lives and how do you do that without them knowing because if they know, then that defeats the purpose because they aren't suppose to know because that isn't part of the detachment. How do you sever the connection of everything that you shared with them? How do you take it all back yet don’t wish that at all? How do you find yourself so torn between wanting them and wanting to be rid of them at the same time?

Voicemail 3: His voicemail. Yep, the one I didn’t delete. I know there are girls who need to delete that guy’s number and voicemails because it helps them to shy away from texting or contacting that guy for their own emotional guard. Completely understandable. Maybe I should do the same. However, I’ve just never been that girl. I usually keep everything for sentimental value so it’s not a surprise that I didn't delete it. So I decided to press play (it’s been a while since I have listened to it and yes, I did have most of the message memorized and yes, I hate to admit it but well, it’s frankly the truth). I listened and actually laughed. It made me alittle sad but all I could say was, “that guy…he is just something.” and it didn't hurt as much.

Voicemail 4: One of my closest friends was waiting at an airport and needed a friend to talk to and take her away from her anxious feelings about life. She was waiting for someone to land (literally and I would dare to say metaphorically). Further, she had frustrations on being unproductive with her thesis project. She’s come a long way in dealing with those two situations and might I say, I couldn’t have been more proud of how far she’s come. Her heart has moved on and embraced newer things and she owned that thesis project. I was proud. That made me smile.

These voicemails brought me back to emotions that I needed to awaken to. Whether they were pathetic, sad, happy or lonely, they happened. I guess if anything, moments like these are inevitable…pathetic ones where you wish no one in the world was watching, sad ones where you need a friend’s shoulder to soak the tears, happy ones where you want to grab the stranger next to you and give them a big hug, and lonely ones where you feel no one could possibly understand….these moments happen but remember dear friend, that you have that beautiful privilege of looking back because time moves forward and you eventually will. So I encourage you as much as myself to start moving.

Love,
C

Pantry be gone

The other day I was at a friend's house and they were talking about remodeling the kitchen.
They had seen this same kitchen for 9 years...the same paint, design, cabinet layout, countertops, flooring, curtains and all.
Everything is in its place...predictable and mundane.

As they were talking about the remodeling project, they discussed new cabinets, taking out cabinets to make new counter space, new curtains, countertops and flooring. It baffled me when they mentioned knocking out some cabinets to put something new there. I know this may seem trivial to you but this idea of removing something that had been in the same exact place for 9 years left me thinking. This cabinet sitting there in its same color day in day out and full of the same supplies... was going to be gone.

Of course I sort of sympathized with it. The cabinet had been part of that space for so long and now, its time was due.

My thoughts quickly left when they carried on about this new idea and that new color. The old and new...deconstructing and reconstructing. Life looks alot like that...constantly rebuilding. What I truly didn't grasp was the process of...the deconstructing part. It's something I never really contemplated. When they were pointing out the idea of knocking the cabinet out to make room for counter space, I realized that I never would have thought about knocking that cabinet out. To me, that cabinet has always been there and for some reason had permanent residence in my mind. Not that I was passionately decisive on its existence but in my head, if it's been there this whole time then it belongs there. I didn't even realize that there was option for it to go.

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot."
--Ecc. 3:1-2

Alright, you must be thinking...alright C, really? You saw cabinets and heard remodeling and you had to get reflective about this? Well....yes I did. This is where I am at in life right now and when things happen in my life, I can't help but see the connect and wonder how they all relate to each other. I can't help but wonder where God is taking the myriad of things in my life.

That day and those cabinets made me realize that it's ok to tear down and rebuild again. Sometimes it's even necessary.
What you see currently doesn't have to be permanent. Those cabinets now have the potential to be newly painted alongside fresh curtains and beautiful flooring.

Even though deconstructing is scary, there is potential and new vision in store.

To remodeling!
C

PS Picture from http://www.picture-newsletter.com/

The future

Me: Life...plans...I keep trying and it feels like I am getting no where. What do I do?

J: "It’s like composing – if you know what you want the piece to become, then you won’t rest until you succeed in making it so, even if it takes a while..."


<3
C

Photo by: Bill at Comix Connection

Da capo

Consider this,
A drop from the sky.
Why we ponder why,
The make up of rain,
Why it must fall and drench our skin?
Why it doesn’t soak up in our skin yet the Earth
Boasts itself green in its drunken stupor.

And consider this,
A battle for peace,
A medal is a treat,
We salivate for.
No actions are done wholeheartedly without a goal,
or are they?

Consider this,
Promises made,
Warnings and people forbade
Us from testing the waters
And why is it we are to keep ourselves at bay?
Why are we convinced to stay
Right where we are.

Yet, one can’t help but consider.
Consider this reader, once more,
And kindly return to the top.

<3
C

Blake Caldwell Photo

Sing

Everyone Sang by Siegfried Sasson (English poet, author and soldier in WW1)

"Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
And I was filled with such delight.
As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
winging wildly across the white.
Orchards and dark-green fields; on; on; and out of sight.

Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted,
and beauty came like the setting sun.
My heart was shaken with tears; and horror drifted away...
O but every one was a bird; and the song was wordless;
the singing will never be done."

<3
C

Right

Hey friends,
my my my it's been awhile! How awful is that? I'm not going to lie. I feel as if I have kept distant from a dear friend of mine...that dear friend that takes the form of letters, words, phrases, emotion and feelings and slaps them onto a page, a journal, a napkin, a blog site. I further believe this friend has even been missing some melodies of mine too.

Apology: I don't usually make direct blogs to anyone but this is an exception.

Friend,

I'm sorry that I have let time and external situations get in the way of our relationship...of our honesty with one another. We have a grand partnership that consists of genuine expression where my thoughts find solace on a page even though questions are unanswered and seem to be going no where. You always are a place for me get it out and breathe.

Breathing is good...very good indeed. You know what? I think I've been walling myself up...you know...trying to cut right on the dotted lines along some picture that I think I am supposed to cut out. Who wants to cut out pictures already pre-drawn? How absolutely boring? My deepest apologies for I've been trying to make sure I do everything right...thinking the right thing, buying the right thing, singing the right things, eating the right things, praying the right things, loving the right things, hating the right things, writing the right things, phrasing the right things, righting the right things...right right right. I've been so preoccupied with that, that I've lost sight.

You are the dearest thing to my days and sanity. An angel with wings of ribbon, sequins and maybe some bells (wait does that weigh you down? oh you're an angel, you can pull off anything!) all colorful against your whiteness...that seems to carry me away when my arms are fatigued from travels.

I know there is no way to make it up to you but I'm going to pay more attention to you. I'm going to look less at myself and the dark black lines that I'm trying to cut some picture perfectly out of because in the end, it's not about that at all.

Yours truly,
C

Bodies full of music

I accompanied some students today for a music competition. It was the most nerve-wrecking, scary, wonderful, exhilarating thing ever. It's so funny because I remembering being the student competing at these events...and now I get to be on the other side as a "music teacher". (although I hardly felt adequate!).

I think I was more nervous than they were. My students stepped up and I think I let the nerves get the best of me at some points. I kind of beat myself up about things I could have taught them. I was burying myself in blame for some of their mistakes and misses. However, one of my dearest friends advised me that this is a time in our lives when we aren't meant to get anything perfect. How else do we possibly become like the amazing teachers in our lives who have experienced trials and falls in order to gain the expertise they hold? That put Miss Casie in her place.

Later I found out that my students received excellent scores. I was so proud!!! :) I was even jumping up and down one point with one of them. Yeah...little asian girl (who's supposed to be the mature teacher) jumping up and down with her student....that's me.

(*cue cheesy music*) I had the wonderful opportunity to share with these students part of the music world that they didn't know prior to us working together. I got to be a marker and that's such a wonderful and terrifying place to be at in someone's life. I was proud of their accomplishments and what I could contribute! I think they all learned something about themselves and that is really what matters at the end of the day. I learned a little something myself today too.

Night,
C

Garden man

Caring takes so many different forms than one would like to think.
I think we as humans were made to care for something...someone. For some, it's a career, a hobby, a child, a spouse, dream...etc.

I like to make up stories about people. Keeps life interesting. So...I usually run by this man's house (I know I sound like a creeper...) and I always notice his garden. It's so well kept and always decorated with some new plants. I know I have written about him before in my blog and I am not sure why I keep coming around to it.

Since the winter storm is over, he has started watering his grass again. It's amazing...everyone else's grass is dead and yellow while his is greener than ever. He takes such special care of his yard. It's one of the things I look forward to on my runs...there's only so much between pavement, roads and potential sticks in my way. ( I have seen a trail of breadcrumbs before and I had hoped they'd lead me to something great but sadly enough they stopped and I was fairly disappointed.)

I'd like to think he is this bachelor who prides himself in caring for this garden of his. I don't know if anyone even knows he loves his garden so much or if anyone tells him what a fantastic job he is doing. Every time I go on my runs, I get to be a witness of his life and the garden that he pours his time into. Refreshing, yes, refreshing is the exact word to describe this.

It's pretty neat to see someone tend to something and further see it blossom under their care. I wish we could try to understand that concept more..."taking care" of things. What does that mean these days? Half-heartedly doing things? Doing it because we feel obligated to? Possibly because it's the "right" way of doing things? There's just so much more to it.

I guess the results indicate how we care for those things or people...etc. The results are directly tied to our intentions. The garden man (aw this is what I will call him) certainly pours his heart in to his garden and you can tell. I'd like to think he lives a very simple life...but it says alot.

A simple caring gardener.

<3
C

Today

"Love is a feeling to be learned.
It is tension and fulfillment.
It is deep longing and hostility.
It is gladness and it is pain.
There is not one without the other."
-W. Trobisch


Happy Valentines friends <3
C

PS I don't know Robert or Catherine...but I liked it and they seem like they would be cool folks to hang with it.

love on the line

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in thinking that fame, lots of recognition for hard work, getting many people to come to an event, having the highest view count on your music page, etc means you are successful and doing well in life. As a musician, it's get easy to get discourage by low ratings and going through the struggle to find "your big break"...I've been having some conversations with people...particular people I call "the rabbi's" in my life. They listen, sift through the mess with me, love me and guide me.

My friend recently updated her blog. It's been a while you see and I have pestered her day in and day out about getting something on there. She's got stories, many full of awkward moments, joys and trials. She finally posted not one but TWO and how beautifully composed they were. From 12:10 AM to 12:15 AM, I cried, laugh and smiled reading her stories and reflections. Thank you friend. No one has ever given me the title of the leading character in a story. Your words were more humbling than ever and healing to my bones.

Sometimes it's hard to realize that the unexpected places hold more life than could ever unfold, lots of recognition is nice but not as nice as the impact you've made in the end, getting a lot of people to come to an event is great but if one life is influenced then numbers don't really matter, and maybe not that many people listened to your music page but one person did and it made all the difference in their life at that point..etc. This is what makes life real.

You never truly realize the impact you make on another person.

To my dearest friends, you know who you are, thank you for sharing your words, encouragement, concerns, call outs, ears and hearts. Thank you for stepping out when you don't have to, when it's inconvenient, when you're going through messy situations yourself but reach out instead. Don't you ever believe for one instant that any of your words or services of love return null and void. It's made all the difference somehow. :)

If one person gets it: a song that reflected exactly what was on their hearts, an action that reached out, a blog that lifted their heart, an email that expressed concern and care, a sacrifice made out of one's own personal interest...if one person gets it, that's all that is needed. That is love on the line.

"Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law."
(NAS) Romans 13:8

Love,
C